Crazy Hong Kong Man

One of our readers "Bunny" brought this video to my attention.

A man was on a bus in Hong Kong talking on his phone very very loudly. The teenager sitting behind him finally did everyone else a favour and tapped the man on the shoulder to give him the hint.

Here's what happened next.



The poor boy already said "SORRY AR SORRY AR".

And the guy still fuk him up.

I especially like the part when he said "Don't diu lou mou then diu who ar?"

Jason called me a liar

I was talking to Jason from Jasonmumbles on MSN.

In my previous post he commented that I should've just mentioned that I read his blog (which is true) but I was trying to explain to him why I didn't say that.

Now this is how the conversation went

Stewie... says:
i cannot say that i like to read jasonmumbles
Stewie... says:
cuz jasonmumbles is BIG BLOG

Jason says:
cheh~
Jason says:
DAMN U
Jason says:
i hate u
Jason says:
u break my heart

Stewie... says:
why
Stewie... says:
true larr
Stewie... says:
how many visits u get a day
Stewie... says:
more than 8 right?

Jason says:
o.o"
Jason says:
i bet ur visits got more than 300 per day

Stewie... says:
no larrr
Stewie... says:
about 8 a day only lar
Stewie... says:
sometimes when jason dun go its 7 lar

Jason says:
Ya right.. show me ur stats
Jason says:
show me ur stats

Stewie... says:
hahaha
Stewie... says:
dowan dowan
Stewie... says:
shy
Stewie... says:
8 only
Stewie... says:
shy

Jason says:
if 8.. my dick will grow shoter by 2 inches

*two minutes later*

Stewie... says:
so.... now that u've said that... do you miss that extra 2 inches you had two minutes ago?

Jason says:
har?

Jason says:
my dick grow longer by 2 inches

Jason says:
because boss stewie lied and my dick is like pinochio's nose

Stewie... says:
wah in that case i should lie more often right

Jason says:
hahaha too long, blood cannot reach

Jason says:
then lembik lembik

So now we all know. Jason either has a very long schlong... or a very short one...

But Boss Stewie was really telling the truth... so...

Boss Stewie the addict

I was about to blog about something today... but I got carried away. And I blame it all on The Superficial. I have to shamefully admit that it's the only one of the more popular blogs that I read simply because its HILARIOUS!!!

Unfortunately I don't read much Kennysia or Xiaxue. I tend to prefer reading the smaller blogs, ones with a more personal feel to it. Blogs like Leng Mou :P

Leng Mou receives about a total of 8 visits each day: Boss Lepton, Boss Lepton's girlfriend, my baby, myself of course, and another 4 of you out there.
So we fall under the lovely... small and personal blogs category!

On another note, I am also very addicted to this music video.



DAMMIT IT HAS GOT TO BE THE COOLEST CHINESE MUSIC VIDEO I HAVE EVER SEEN.
Jay Chou's song for Jet Li's latest movie: Fearless.

I've heard the song a few times but I've never really watched the video nor have I watched Fearless so I really can't comment on whether it is a good movie or not.
HOWEVER, I do know someone else who has watched it and reviewed it. Check it out here.

Yes, I trust Shaolin Tiger's reviews. The man writes good movie reviews.

YES LAR!!! BOSS STEWIE OUTDATED LAR!!! Jay Chou's old song also I call new... Fearless also never watch yet! PLEASE LAR... UNDERSTAND A BIT... Boss Stewie is stuck in London ok?

We don't get to watch any chinese MVs on MTV and the only chinese movies we get in the cinema here are the crap ones like 2046. AUGHH 2046!!!! Every time I think of that movie I get angry!
Such a PHUCKING LOUSY movie!!!!!

Polls update: In the past 24 hours, 24 girls voted and unfortunately only 6 of the 24 (27%) said they would sleep with a guy friend who made a website for her that got over 25,000,000 hits in one year.

So whichever one of you bought the TolongSayaDapatkanSeks.com domain.... sorry lar...

Oh actually now that I think about it, that Jay video isn't the best chinese video I've ever seen. The best is still...



爱你!!!

Oh Cyndi... how could I ever forsake you... 我永远会爱你啊!!!

Dance for me Cyndi... DANCE FOR BOSS STEWIE!!!

Boss Stewie take you home! Boss STEWIE take you home and make you fishball soup! FISHBALL!

Helpmegetsex.com

I got bored of studying today so I put on my ranger hat and started exploring the internet once again for something interesting.

And yep... soon enough I found Helpmegetsex.com

Similar to Leng Mou?, it started off as a result of a bet between two friends.

But instead of betting on roast ducks, they're betting on sex.

It all started off with this one guy (Jamie) who is best of friends a this girl he has/had always wanted to shag (Carla). The story goes:

"A group of us were out drinking last week and we got pissed, and I mean wasted... Carla and I have always flirted (and I've always had a crush on her), but she always had a boyfriend.

Anyway, the other night she came out and we were drinking, and she said she was single, having just broken up from her boyfriend. I thought that this was my chance to finally get her into bed.

As we got more drunk I got more confident. I'd put away some strong, and I mean STRONG cocktails. And in the end I just blurted out, (no doubt slurring and spitting) 'Carla, I really wanna have sex with you'

But Carla blew him off

"She looked surprised and said, 'Jamie [I hate it when she calls me that], I wanna stay single for a while.' "

Now when a girl tells you that. SHE DOES NOT WANT TO SLEEP WITH YOU.

And no its not because you she likes you too much as a friend or that she doesn't want to 'ruin your friendship'!

It's because you're ugly, fat and poor like Boss Stewie

and she would rather have someone handsome, rich and fit like Boss Lepton.

***pic removed because Boss Lepton's gf complain she looks too fat***

Anyway, after that Carla reconsidered

Jamie [thank God she called me that, she wasn't mad], I'll tell you what, you prove how much you want me and then you can have me.'

After a little bit of thought they finally came up with an idea

And so from there we spent an hour discussing the basis of an arrangement that would ultimately result in me getting laid.

The only good idea we came up with was a website... What's the purpose? If I can put enough effort in to get a certain number of people to visit the site, then I am worthy. And the number of hits they agreed on was twenty-five million hits in one year.

That's 25,000,000 hits in ONE YEAR.

But what does everyone get in return for helping him out?

Clara apparently agreed to let Jamie put up a topless picture of her on the website if he got to sleep with her.

Now the shocking thing about his blog is that it started on the 18th of April and his visits have been increasing EXPONENTIALLY by the DAY.

Yesterday alone he got over 87,000 UNIQUE VISITS IN ONE DAY and that is a blog that has ALMOST NOTHING in it (plus when I took the stats Thursday hasn't even ended yet for him).

THIS IS RIDICULOUS!!!!!

Also, if you look around his stats you would notice that NONE of his visits come from search engines!

Of course, there is a good chance that this 'blog' is just a scam for him to generate hits and earn money from advertisements and that there is no Clara and pictures of the supposedly 'Clara' are just knicked off some website somewhere. But lets assume he's not pulling our legs. The question is, would a girl really do that?

I for one wouldn't know, so lets have our female Leng Mou readers answer this question for us shall we?

The question is...

If a guy friend of yours asks if you would sleep with him if he made for you a website that received 25,000,000 visits in one year.

Would you say yes or no?

Vote in the little box on the right side of the screen.

Remember guys, this vote is only for the ladies.
But while you guys are waiting, get yourselves ready to register the domain TolongSayaDapatkanSeks.com in case 100% of the girls vote YES.

If you want to check out the site click here --> BEH PAI SEH.

But if you find his site DISRESPECTFUL to women (which I can fully understand why), then don't.

Boss Stewie looks under 21

In less than a month's time, my university life will end. So today I went with a few of my UCL coursemates for one of those lunches where you know it could be one of the last.

The guy in the white shirt is "Number 9". We call him "Number 9" because he's "rumoured" to be the son of the 9th Richest Man in Malaysia.

But how do we know if the rumour is true?

Wise man say "To find out if man is rich, see what he orders to drink at the restaurant".

So check out the picture below and notice that while the rest of us were drinking TAP WATER, Number 9 was drinking some sort of healthy juice.

(Yes Jason, I was wearing Body Glove. Supporting your favourite label)

But I wasn't very impressed.

Come on... you would think the son of the 9th Richest Man in Malaysia would drink something more expensive right?

However, all that changed when his order of coke came in a Special Edition Gold Plated (or coloured) Bottle.
I kept my mouth shut after that.

But ok enough about Number 9.

The last time I posted a picture of him sleeping in class on this blog he repeatedly threatened to sue me for it. *sigh* Rich people and the lawyers their money can buy.

After lunch I went off to the nearest Tesco's for a little grocery shopping to buy these things.

Cereals, milk and some chocolates: a student's best friend.

When I reached the cashier with my goodies, the woman behind the counter looked at me and politely asked "Sir Can I see some ID please?"

Confused, I lifted my eyebrow and said "ID? What for?"

Then she got a little annoyed but kept calm enough to tell me

"To CHECK if you're above 21".

I lifted up my left eyebrow and said to her

"To check if I'm OVER 21?!?!
JUST FOR ME TO BUY a box of Kellogg's Frosties and some milk?
Are you taking the piss?"

(My polite way of saying "Are you FARKING HIGH ON WEED WOMAN?!?")
Then I started thinking... Why in the WORLD would they only allow over 21's to buy KELLOGG'S FROSTIES?!?!?!

WHAT?!! WHAT COULD A KID POSSIBLY DO WITH A BOX OF KELLOGG'S FROSTIES THAT COULD BE SOOOOOOOO HARMFUL!?!?!?

Bring Tony the Tiger to life and get him to sing motivational songs?
(hmm yeah actually that would be quite awful)
Anyway, before I could think for too long the cashier's voice snapped me out of my dream
"NO I AM NOT TAKING THE PISS and it's because YOU are buying a Bailey's flavoured chocolate that has ALCOHOL IN IT". (although the legal age for drinking in the UK is actually 18)

That made a lot more sense to me. So I showed her my ID, apologised and walked out of the store embarrassed.

Yes... it turned out that it was THIS LITTLE CULPRIT.

And it didn't taste that good either. Which then again got me thinking... why would they bother checking ID for ONE PIECE OF CHOCOLATE that didn't have much alcohol in it?

What am I going to do with it?

Buy one each day to stockpile in my home and have my friends over for a BOOZE party? Then rather than getting drunk on booze... we drink water and get drunk on BAILEYS CHOCOLATES.

Sometimes many things don't make much sense to me.

Update: GOOD NEWS! Number 9 just read this blog entry and he thought it was 'funny' so he decided not to sue me for it. YAY! I get to keep the pants I'm wearing.

Ok honestly, I doubt he would have really taken me to court but I was afraid he might pull the "Friend Card" and say
"Boss Stewie if you're my friend, delete that blog entry".

China's version of AirAsia

"No-frills" budget airlines seem to be the big craze this decade.

People are making money from it in the USA, UK... and now the entire Southeast Asia has caught on.

What most people know is that budget airlines keep their fares cheap by not offering any in-flight food or drink for free.

But what less people know is that budget airlines also work by maximizing the use of their airplanes which includes getting people on and off the plane as soon as possible and using cheaper airports (when your plane stays on the ground it's not making money).

So while many of us are now able to fly from KL to Penang for less than a tank of petrol, the people behind Air Asia are still finding a solution to their next challenge:
How can we possibly let people fly from KL to Penang for less than a sheet of toilet paper?"

Air Asia has done just about everything the major UK budget airlines Easyjet and Ryanair have done, so where else can they look for ideas....

and the answer to that question is... CHINA. The Chinese have taken the "NO-FRILLS" airline industry to a whole new level!

Not only do they not have food/drink, they have no seats on the airplane, no seatbelts and you can forget about life vests.

That's right, *touch wood* but if you ever fly on a Chinese budget airline and you crash in water, you're probably dead... but if you're not... look for the fattest guy you can find and hug him. No not because you love him... but because

Fat floats (Why do you think I float more than I swim?) or at least I think they do.

So lets get back to the question of how we can
"Fly from KL to Penang for less than a sheet of toilet paper?"

Step 1: Throw away your Boeings/Airbus planes
and get yourself one of these CARGO planes

Cargo planes are empty inside so you can maximize your room and the best part is that everyone is let in and out from the huge ramp at the back of the airplane.

So while Airasia passengers take 10 minutes to empty their plane... your airline takes 30 seconds to fully unload.

Step 2: Fire all your air stewardesses! They're a waste of space!

(Note to self: Keep the pretty ones and offer them a job as your personal assistant)

Of course cabin staff are important not only to serve food and coffee but also to guide passengers to safety if there ever were to be an emergency.

But this is NO FRILLS. And the word "FRILLS" includes "SAFETY". So.. NO SAFETY.

You get what you pay for right?

Step 3: THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A BAGGAGE CHECK-IN.

Look at the picture! Everyone carries their own bag and sleeps on their bags!!!

The passenger compartment of this plane is more or less the "baggage" storage anyway. I don't even think they have toilets so... hold your piss or bring a bottle and newspaper in case you need to take a shit.

Yes.. NEWSPAPER to WRAP UP YOUR SHIT SO THAT IT DOESN'T STINK AND SUFFOCATE THE REST OF YOUR FELLOW PASSENGERS!!! BE CONSIDERATE DAMMIT!!! AND YES... SHIT DOES STINK!!!

Now NOBODY had better ASK again why you would need the newspaper ok?

Step 4: Loading the people into your cargo plane.

Now after you're done loading your first batch, get them to sit down and load another batch of top of them.

Think of it like making layer cake! You put in one layer... then you put in another layer on top of that first layer.

Remember, if the plane is not packed enough your "valued passengers" will fly around the flight as the plane moves.

So keep them TIGHT LIKE THIS so that they won't move
(NOW DO YOU SEE WHY YOU NEED THE NEWSPAPER??? IMAGINE THE NUMBER OF PEOPLE WHO WILL CHOKE TO DEATH HAVING TO FACE DOWN ON THE FLOOR WITH YOUR SHIT ON IT)

Ahhh... the Chinese are just such good business people. Must be sooooo nice to run a business in a country where your consumers don't know (or don't have) consumer rights.

Oh and speaking of budget airlines... those of you in the UK who fly Ryan Air,
Take the time to watch this (slightly long) video and I assure you.... you WON'T EVER fly Ryan Air again!




PS: In that last picture, notice that one of the passengers flying the Chinese budget airlines has a Louis Vuitton bag.

That's right.. spend all your money on an LV luggage bag so you can travel in STYLE but instead of flying Cathay or MAS like normal people do... you fly Cargo Airlines.

Memang Style betul.

How does this video make you feel?

I was looking around Youtube again and guess what I found (probably something that's been around for a while but Boss Stewie is slow ok?? OKAY?!).

A home made Singaporean 'comedy' called Zhng My Camp
(which took its name from Zhng my car which took its name from Pimp My Ride) about a few guys coming to a "Camp Consultant" to ask for advice on how they can spice up their camp.




Since these guys took the effort to make this video, the least I could do was share it with you guys right?? HAHAAHA

Now after you watch this video, take the new vote on the right column on how this video makes you feel.

Parking in Paris

Boss Lepton's recent post about car parking in Malaysia kinda reminded me of something.

Recall that just a little more than a month ago I was at Paris with my baby.

One thing I noticed was how close their cars were parked to each other.

And when I mean close.. I mean sooo damn close that it was just NOT possible to get out of that side parking lot.

Pay attention to the car on the left.

This is how close its back was parked to the car behind it and this is how close its front is parked to the car in front of it.

How in the world do they wiggle their cars out?!?!

In the mean time. while we were walking around Paris, my baby spotted her dream car.

Ahh there it is...
My baby's little dream car!

Poll Results

Ok its been a day and its time to end the poll on whether the two posts about Tock should be up on the "Popular Entries" column or not.

Only about 35 people voted, of which 57% voted that YES it should go up while the remaining 43% voted NO.

Considering that less than 75% voted "YES".... sorry Tock... but the posts are not going to go up :(

PROTON BOLEH!!!!

Ok I think its time to end our current vote on whether, you are proud of Proton or not as a Malaysian.

A total of 80 votes were cast (which was quite disappointing honestly... because that means less than 1/4 of the people who visit this site daily actually DID bother to vote) but anyway, here are the results.

A PATRIOTIC 15% of the people who voted are indeed PROUD OF PROTON!!!

Let's give a big hand to Proton now shall we? WOOHOOO!!!!

BAGUS ... BAGUS... BAGUS PROTON!!! *clap* *clap* *clap*

MALAYSIA BOLEH!!! PROTON BOLEH!!!

MALAYSIA CINTA AKAN PROTON !!!!

WE LOVE YOU PROTON!!! WE WANT TO MARRY YOU AND HAVE YOUR BABIES!!!!
(Kita cinta sama awak Proton!!! Kita mahu kahwin dengan awak dan nak buat anak dengan awak!!!!!)
-Translation by Alina, anything wrong you scold her.. dun scold me!

MUAK SAMA PROTON!!! MUAAAAAAK!!!!
On the less important news, it turned out that there is a small percentage of people who voted that they were NOT proud of Proton... only about *ahem* 85% voted that they were indeed "NOT" proud of Proton, just a small number... too small to be significant.

But the figure it not important is it? Its just a few of us right? I'm sure all of us Malaysians remain PROUD of what PROTON has ACCOMPLISHED in the automobile (and dare I say...motorbike) market.

Ok on other news, some people have requested that the recent two Tock posts should be posted up under our "Popular Entries" column.But I'll let all of you decide whether its worthy enough to be put up there or not.

Now the two posts are

Sending the wrong signals....

and

Duck Tales? Duck Tails? Duck RAPE!!!!

So vote away on the little poll we have on the column!

We'll put them both up on the "Popular Entries" column if more than 75% say yes....

The poll will only be there for one day! So be quick to vote!

Leng Mou's Art of Art

Do you know is the most expensive painting ever sold?

It was called the "Portrait of Dr. Gachet" by Vincent Van Gogh (Pic below).


The buyer was a Japanese businessman who went by the name of Ryoei Saito and he paid $82,500,000 for it.

Eighty two million five hundred thousand US dollars. SMALL MONEY LAR RIGHT?!?!?! Only about RM297,000,000.

SMALL MAHNEY LAR right?!?!?!

I mean... what can you possibly do with RM297,000,000? Not much right? Probably just buy a small country for yourself where you can be king and bring in only the beautiful people to stay in your little country.
Then all your beautiful people will mate with each other and your country's next generation will all be really beautiful
or

Really ugly (depending on who you believe)
However, regardless of their looks, they would all most probably be born stupid.

But lets not get carried away and get back to ART.

Maybe its just that I don't appreciate art very much.

Well I do appreciate beautiful paintings like this that actually looks nice to the eye like thisor even the more simpler looking ones like this

But... how can you call things like this ART?!?!?!

Can you even TELL what is being painted?

A woman with a dress?? a doggie?? a space shuttle??

and

WHAT TALENT DO YOU NEED TO SPLASH PAINT AROUND LIKE THIS?!?!

and more importantly

HOW DO YOU GET PEOPLE TO BUY SHIT LIKE THIS AND PAY THOUSANDS AND EVEN MILLIONS?!?!?

(oh btw, this painting I can tell is supposed to be a woman right? Those two things at the bottom are her knockers right??)

Will someone with some sense of art please explain to me what is it I am NOT seeing in these paintings?

Anyway, considering that any talentless idiot can do art nowadays (and even sell it for actual MONEY)... I have decided to do my own MASTERPIECE.

Armed with my 'virtual photoshop paintbrush' and my logitech mouse.

BEHOLD... MY MASTERPIECE

I SHALL CALL IT


"The Valley" by Boss Stewie

So uhmm.. anyone want to buy my painting for a million dollars? anyone? anyone?

Tock... AGAIN!!!!

Tock just called me in the middle of the night and asked me

"Eh Boss Stewie... how long is your cock ar?"

What do you guys think I said?

Update
well ok.. I told him "about 6.5 inches... why?"

and he said "FUK!!!! You weren't supposed to answer that question! It was a RHETORIC!"

What the hell are questions for when you're not meant to answer them?

It's like having a rotan and not being able to beat anyone with it.

Duck tales? Duck tails? DUCK RAPE!!!!

Anybody ever watched Duck Tales?

Scrooge McDuck and his three nephews yea. Most of you would've known or at least seen it as a kid. Unfortunately we at Leng Mou don't have the time to tell you the entire story of this kiddy cartoon.

So what Duck Tales I'm gonna tell you?

Let Lim Peh tell you a story of ducks.

Once upon a time in a land far far away, there lived a pair of ducks. The male is Stewie Duck and the female is Tocky Duck.

They are such a loving couple. One of their favourite past times is posing naked over webcam to each other. Such a weird fetish. Yup, they are smart enough to use webcams and take advantage of the power of MSN. They could chat to each other all day, cuddle together by the lake and occassionally make babies.

Life was good until the arrival of the almighty Koyuuken Duck.

Koyuuken Duck is well built, charming and is full of confidence. However, he has quite a reputation for being an international playboy. Charm and arrogance allows him to get into the pants of famous celebrities. Those who made his A-list includes

Paris Hilton

Angelina Jolie

and Pat Liong Kam

The story goes on....... since Koyuuken moved into the neighbourhood, he had been desperately trying to get Tocky Duck's attention. But time and time again, Tocky Duck refuses to give in to Koyuuken Duck's request.

Day after day, month after month, Koyuuken started to feel desperate. His semen from the last shag started to dry up, and if a bull comes accross his path, you might find him stuck inside the bull's asshole. Yes, that's how desperate he was.

That was, until this 1 faithful day, when Tocky Duck decided to go for a stroll outside Boss Lepton's room. Little had she knew that Koyuuken Duck was also in the neighbourhood.

Koyuuken Duck: Oh Tocky, please just let me shag you. Just one shag, that last one I had with Pat Liong Kam was almost 3 months ago. I'm desperate, I need you baby, I want you.

Tocky Duck: Oh you filthy duck, just leave me alone. I'm not going to let you shag me. My heart lies with Stewie Duck and Stewie alone. We are going to start a family together and that is my dream come true.

Koyuuken Duck: Tocky oh Tocky, why why??? But from the moment I first saw you, I fell in love with your beauty. And who could ever resists to cuddle that huge boobs of yours.

Tocky Duck: Wait...... what are you trying to do? Hey, don't come any closer, please...... HELP HELP HELP!!! AHHH!!!!

Koyuuken Duck: Muahahaha....... hahaha............................................................

..................................................................................

..................................................................................

***: GET YOUR FILTHY WINGS OFF HER!!!!

It was Stewie Duck. He had been there along. Well actually, he had been in the neighbourhood as well....... er........ flirting with Lepton Duck.

Anyway, back to the story. This happened next.......

What happened to Koyuuken Duck after that? Well nobody knows actually. Some said that he is so embarassed he underwent a sex transformation surgery. Many even speculate that he might now be any lady beside you.

But Boss Lepton knows better. I think he got whacked by Stewie Duck so hard, he died shortly after that and ended up on the table somewhere in London......

p.s. To Boss Stewie, next time you go to Four Seasons without me, I curse you to be a fat F*ck as always :D

p.p.s. To Tock and Koyuuken, Pai seh use your names, nvm la you all become celebrity already ma.......

Oh yea btw, check out this guide to stop Duck Rape.