China's version of AirAsia

"No-frills" budget airlines seem to be the big craze this decade.

People are making money from it in the USA, UK... and now the entire Southeast Asia has caught on.

What most people know is that budget airlines keep their fares cheap by not offering any in-flight food or drink for free.

But what less people know is that budget airlines also work by maximizing the use of their airplanes which includes getting people on and off the plane as soon as possible and using cheaper airports (when your plane stays on the ground it's not making money).

So while many of us are now able to fly from KL to Penang for less than a tank of petrol, the people behind Air Asia are still finding a solution to their next challenge:
How can we possibly let people fly from KL to Penang for less than a sheet of toilet paper?"

Air Asia has done just about everything the major UK budget airlines Easyjet and Ryanair have done, so where else can they look for ideas....

and the answer to that question is... CHINA. The Chinese have taken the "NO-FRILLS" airline industry to a whole new level!

Not only do they not have food/drink, they have no seats on the airplane, no seatbelts and you can forget about life vests.

That's right, *touch wood* but if you ever fly on a Chinese budget airline and you crash in water, you're probably dead... but if you're not... look for the fattest guy you can find and hug him. No not because you love him... but because

Fat floats (Why do you think I float more than I swim?) or at least I think they do.

So lets get back to the question of how we can
"Fly from KL to Penang for less than a sheet of toilet paper?"

Step 1: Throw away your Boeings/Airbus planes
and get yourself one of these CARGO planes

Cargo planes are empty inside so you can maximize your room and the best part is that everyone is let in and out from the huge ramp at the back of the airplane.

So while Airasia passengers take 10 minutes to empty their plane... your airline takes 30 seconds to fully unload.

Step 2: Fire all your air stewardesses! They're a waste of space!

(Note to self: Keep the pretty ones and offer them a job as your personal assistant)

Of course cabin staff are important not only to serve food and coffee but also to guide passengers to safety if there ever were to be an emergency.

But this is NO FRILLS. And the word "FRILLS" includes "SAFETY". So.. NO SAFETY.

You get what you pay for right?

Step 3: THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A BAGGAGE CHECK-IN.

Look at the picture! Everyone carries their own bag and sleeps on their bags!!!

The passenger compartment of this plane is more or less the "baggage" storage anyway. I don't even think they have toilets so... hold your piss or bring a bottle and newspaper in case you need to take a shit.

Yes.. NEWSPAPER to WRAP UP YOUR SHIT SO THAT IT DOESN'T STINK AND SUFFOCATE THE REST OF YOUR FELLOW PASSENGERS!!! BE CONSIDERATE DAMMIT!!! AND YES... SHIT DOES STINK!!!

Now NOBODY had better ASK again why you would need the newspaper ok?

Step 4: Loading the people into your cargo plane.

Now after you're done loading your first batch, get them to sit down and load another batch of top of them.

Think of it like making layer cake! You put in one layer... then you put in another layer on top of that first layer.

Remember, if the plane is not packed enough your "valued passengers" will fly around the flight as the plane moves.

So keep them TIGHT LIKE THIS so that they won't move
(NOW DO YOU SEE WHY YOU NEED THE NEWSPAPER??? IMAGINE THE NUMBER OF PEOPLE WHO WILL CHOKE TO DEATH HAVING TO FACE DOWN ON THE FLOOR WITH YOUR SHIT ON IT)

Ahhh... the Chinese are just such good business people. Must be sooooo nice to run a business in a country where your consumers don't know (or don't have) consumer rights.

Oh and speaking of budget airlines... those of you in the UK who fly Ryan Air,
Take the time to watch this (slightly long) video and I assure you.... you WON'T EVER fly Ryan Air again!




PS: In that last picture, notice that one of the passengers flying the Chinese budget airlines has a Louis Vuitton bag.

That's right.. spend all your money on an LV luggage bag so you can travel in STYLE but instead of flying Cathay or MAS like normal people do... you fly Cargo Airlines.

Memang Style betul.