The Sport of Posing

Many many years ago when the Malaysian stock market was booming and people were rich, country clubs became popular.

Everyone was crazy over golf, a "high-class" sport at that point in time.
Golf... is an interesting sport because unlike badminton or football... it doesn't attempt to push you to your physical limits.

So when people ask you if you exercise you can say

"OH YES I DO".

(When the answer REALLY is: "Well if by walking round and round is exercise... uhmm I guess I do.)

Of course, there is the cost of the sport.

First of all, you'll need to join a country club to play golf on their golf courses.

Then you'll need to buy golf clubs


golf balls

golf shoes and also an English accent to sound more classy.

But since then, things have changed.

Golf has become so popular that almost every Tom, Dick and Harry plays golf.

So what do people do... they go for another sport.

And the latest of all sports is POSING.

The trend of posing started in Malaysia as recent as in the past decade with the emergence of 'High-Class' coffee outlets like Coffee Bean and Starbucks.

Lets first talk about the cost of the sport?

Well first of all, there is the cost of buying the coffee or cake but I prefer to look at it as the cost of renting the table for however long it takes you to finish your coffee

(since that's what you're really paying for right? The TABLE... NOT THE "HIGH-QUALITY COFFEE"... Stop lying to yourself).

Now when you go to play golf, you need to buy equipment.

Similarly when you go posing, you need to buy EQUIPMENT, and equipment don't come cheap.

Apart from the usual 'dress code' that requires you to dress fairly well before you dare to pose at Coffee Bean, the most basic of all other 'equipment' is the mobile phone.

and just like most other sports, the more expensive (and the newer) the equipment the better.

Slightly more serious 'posers' bring laptops (prefably Apple Laptops because they apparently seem to be 'cooler'), PDAs, Tablet PCs or everything else that you probably wouldn't need to use at Coffee Bean but use anyway because it helps you look good.
Now lets look at an example of how you should look at Coffee Bean.

Take this couple for example.

Ok they probably have mobile phones and on top of that you can clearly see their laptop on their table although neither one of them really seem to be paying any attention to it which is STILL perfectly FINE!

Why is it perfectly fine?

Because you're not meant to do anything on your laptop at Coffee Bean. It is just there for show.

But where do they go wrong?

The dude at the table is sitting there having a puff of his fag (which is perfectly ok since smoking is ... 'cool') and very obviously checking out some chick who just walked past him.

THE POSER'S GOLDEN RULE: Always look like people are looking at you and NEVER LOOK LIKE YOU'RE LOOKING AT PEOPLE ESPECIALLY AT CHICKS

(BEFORE YOU GO POSING, IF YOU CAN'T CONTROL YOUR URGE TO STARE, SURGICALLY REMOVE YOUR KOTEK (If you have to) AND LEAVE IT IN YOUR DRAWER AT HOME).

So how do we really look like people are looking at you.

Take this table for example.

Laptop on the table but not being used at all as usual (very good very good).

Drinking BEER at Coffee Bean (probably illegal... but in the poser's point of view, very good very good since real men drink beer right?).

But most importantly:

LOOKING AS IF YOU'RE IN INTENSE CONVERSATION WITH YOUR FRIENDS.

Take another good look at the people on the table.

Two of them look like they're talking about serious stuff when for all you know the words coming out of their mouths could be

"Eh you know ar... I chimp chum chump chump eeekk eeekk meeeeee".

And what about the third guy?

A conversation takes two people so instead of feeling left out, he picks up his mobile phone and calls (or pretends to call) somebody.

BRILLIANT!!!

But what if just like me, you don't have a nice mobile phone to show off and you don't have a laptop to pose with.

Well... then it will all still work out for you IF YOU'RE A WOMAN.

Now look at this table.
No mobile phones on the table, no laptop, no beer but plenty of attention... why? Because there are 3 fairly sexy girls in low cut tops.

Of course, just like golf, when a 'high class' sport gets popular... even the 'low class' like Stewie (who can't pose to save his life) wants to get in on the action.

So before more of these people come in to spoil the sport... GO NOW PEOPLE... GO NOW AND POSE BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE.

And when people ask you if you play any sports, sound like a jock and confidently say

"YES I DO! I POSE".