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  • Thursday, July 20, 2006

    The Sport of Posing

    Many many years ago when the Malaysian stock market was booming and people were rich, country clubs became popular.

    Everyone was crazy over golf, a "high-class" sport at that point in time.
    Golf... is an interesting sport because unlike badminton or football... it doesn't attempt to push you to your physical limits.

    So when people ask you if you exercise you can say

    "OH YES I DO".


    (When the answer REALLY is: "Well if by walking round and round is exercise... uhmm I guess I do.)

    Of course, there is the cost of the sport.

    First of all, you'll need to join a country club to play golf on their golf courses.



    Then you'll need to buy golf clubs


    golf balls

    golf shoes and also an English accent to sound more classy.

    But since then, things have changed.

    Golf has become so popular that almost every Tom, Dick and Harry plays golf.

    So what do people do... they go for another sport.

    And the latest of all sports is POSING.

    The trend of posing started in Malaysia as recent as in the past decade with the emergence of 'High-Class' coffee outlets like Coffee Bean and Starbucks.


    Lets first talk about the cost of the sport?

    Well first of all, there is the cost of buying the coffee or cake but I prefer to look at it as the cost of renting the table for however long it takes you to finish your coffee

    (since that's what you're really paying for right? The TABLE... NOT THE "HIGH-QUALITY COFFEE"... Stop lying to yourself).


    Now when you go to play golf, you need to buy equipment.

    Similarly when you go posing, you need to buy EQUIPMENT, and equipment don't come cheap.

    Apart from the usual 'dress code' that requires you to dress fairly well before you dare to pose at Coffee Bean, the most basic of all other 'equipment' is the mobile phone.


    and just like most other sports, the more expensive (and the newer) the equipment the better.

    Slightly more serious 'posers' bring laptops (prefably Apple Laptops because they apparently seem to be 'cooler'), PDAs, Tablet PCs or everything else that you probably wouldn't need to use at Coffee Bean but use anyway because it helps you look good.
    Now lets look at an example of how you should look at Coffee Bean.

    Take this couple for example.

    Ok they probably have mobile phones and on top of that you can clearly see their laptop on their table although neither one of them really seem to be paying any attention to it which is STILL perfectly FINE!

    Why is it perfectly fine?

    Because you're not meant to do anything on your laptop at Coffee Bean. It is just there for show.

    But where do they go wrong?


    The dude at the table is sitting there having a puff of his fag (which is perfectly ok since smoking is ... 'cool') and very obviously checking out some chick who just walked past him.


    THE POSER'S GOLDEN RULE: Always look like people are looking at you and NEVER LOOK LIKE YOU'RE LOOKING AT PEOPLE ESPECIALLY AT CHICKS

    (BEFORE YOU GO POSING, IF YOU CAN'T CONTROL YOUR URGE TO STARE, SURGICALLY REMOVE YOUR KOTEK (If you have to) AND LEAVE IT IN YOUR DRAWER AT HOME).

    So how do we really look like people are looking at you.

    Take this table for example.


    Laptop on the table but not being used at all as usual (very good very good).

    Drinking BEER at Coffee Bean (probably illegal... but in the poser's point of view, very good very good since real men drink beer right?).

    But most importantly:

    LOOKING AS IF YOU'RE IN INTENSE CONVERSATION WITH YOUR FRIENDS.

    Take another good look at the people on the table.


    Two of them look like they're talking about serious stuff when for all you know the words coming out of their mouths could be

    "Eh you know ar... I chimp chum chump chump eeekk eeekk meeeeee".

    And what about the third guy?

    A conversation takes two people so instead of feeling left out, he picks up his mobile phone and calls (or pretends to call) somebody.

    BRILLIANT!!!

    But what if just like me, you don't have a nice mobile phone to show off and you don't have a laptop to pose with.

    Well... then it will all still work out for you IF YOU'RE A WOMAN.

    Now look at this table.
    No mobile phones on the table, no laptop, no beer but plenty of attention... why? Because there are 3 fairly sexy girls in low cut tops.

    Of course, just like golf, when a 'high class' sport gets popular... even the 'low class' like Stewie (who can't pose to save his life) wants to get in on the action.

    So before more of these people come in to spoil the sport... GO NOW PEOPLE... GO NOW AND POSE BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE.

    And when people ask you if you play any sports, sound like a jock and confidently say

    "YES I DO! I POSE".

    27 Comments:

    • the 1st!!!!!!!!!!!

      most of lady golfers are japanese girls, i dun see many local girls who play golf lor unless she is the boss i think...so Boss Stewie u can go golf course to kau rich girls, want or not?

      By Anonymous adrianbaby, at July 20, 2006 12:37 PM  

    • pls ler.. i dun even have ANY club membership... ahh the life of the poor sniff

      By Blogger Boss Stewie, at July 20, 2006 12:43 PM  

    • Why lah you steal my N70?

      By Blogger Jason, at July 20, 2006 12:55 PM  

    • the 3 sexy girls u were talkign about were my seniors in cpt! haha.

      :)

      maxine

      By Anonymous Anonymous, at July 20, 2006 2:45 PM  

    • starbucks rule!!!! I love hanging out sega too. err the girl in purple look like aunty wei...

      By Blogger Mischique, at July 20, 2006 3:38 PM  

    • u can actually take pics of other ppl??
      without them noticing? gosh!

      By Anonymous james, at July 20, 2006 4:25 PM  

    • well, stewie is a master in snapping photos out of nowhere!!!

      maybe he got bashed up after that...haha

      By Blogger DesWire.com, at July 20, 2006 4:56 PM  

    • hmmm.... when I go to starbucks, or Coffee Bean or Dome, or any coffeeshops.... I usually sit with my legs crossed....oh yes, while drinking a cup of coffee I read The Economist , or some pro. magazine... posing arr ?

      By Anonymous Lufiasism, at July 20, 2006 6:01 PM  

    • :P

      stewie has a very sneaky camera

      By Blogger Boss Stewie, at July 20, 2006 6:15 PM  

    • *Imagines Boss Stewie posing while slurping on an empty Coffee Bean plastic cup*

      Somehow the thought makes me want to... *vomits lunch*



      *Imagines Boss Lepton posing with Celica*

      Ahh... That's more like it.

      By Anonymous Lance, at July 20, 2006 6:21 PM  

    • ZOMG the image of Boss Lepton is stuck!! Arrrghhh!!!

      By Anonymous Lance, at July 20, 2006 6:24 PM  

    • Japanese girls play golf here because here is much more cheaper than playing golf in Japan! :)

      By Blogger こうゆうけん, at July 20, 2006 6:27 PM  

    • lance i could show u an actual pic of that if u want

      koyuuken.. i'll always remember to ask u bout anything japanese

      By Blogger Boss Stewie, at July 20, 2006 7:48 PM  

    • Boss Stewie already became a stalker ah...share leng lui pics oih! :D

      Poseurs sucks. XD

      By Anonymous Chapree Da Grande, at July 20, 2006 7:51 PM  

    • wahhh..Boss Stewie how u snap other ppl pic without them noticing wan?? teach me...

      By Blogger ~kmy~, at July 20, 2006 8:29 PM  

    • chapree.. do not speak ill of the art of posing

      kmy.. must know ler... just aim quietly and shoot... pretend that you're shooting the background scenery

      By Blogger Boss Stewie, at July 20, 2006 9:23 PM  

    • OMG is that Gurney Plaza??! I recognize that walkway anywhere and also some peeps haha. Next time go try Segas. Used to be my 2nd home lol. Try going to that area on Sat night...can see people all dressed up as if they're going clubbing, but all they're there to do is simply sipping their ice-frappucinos. Quite the spectacle ;)

      By Blogger Dawn, at July 20, 2006 10:27 PM  

    • ahahaha yes dawn

      sat night is poser night for gurney plaza

      By Blogger Boss Stewie, at July 21, 2006 12:11 AM  

    • Especially if a good portion of the crowd can't pronounce the names of the cafes they visit nor the names of the drinks they order *hehehe*

      By Blogger Dawn, at July 21, 2006 3:18 AM  

    • dawn.. u used to walk down the gurney plaza segas row quite often when u were still in penang right

      i remember u now

      By Blogger Boss Stewie, at July 21, 2006 8:52 AM  

    • brilliant sports indeed!!

      i shall remember the golden rule from now :p

      By Blogger +1, at July 21, 2006 5:04 PM  

    • Right now there are two black dudes across my street that are applying to be king of the posers...

      They've been sitting in there car (ignition turned on, god knows why), windows down, playing freakin' bubbling r&b music as loud as their pimped out subwoofer installation can handle.

      Not doing anything... just sitting there. For over a GODDAMN FRIGGIN HOUR. The baseline is drumming through my entire house..

      Now THAT's posing

      By Blogger Jackson, at July 22, 2006 1:14 AM  

    • MMUians pose with their pimped PCs and RM700 Altec Lansings.

      By Anonymous Lance, at July 22, 2006 6:25 AM  

    • hahahahaha jackson

      jackson.. next time please do take a picture/video and share it with the rest of us


      lance... yes... i shall go to mmu one day to learn from the might MMUians

      By Blogger Boss Stewie, at July 22, 2006 9:06 AM  

    • there's nothing wrong hanging out at coffee bean laa! you're just jealous of them..people like you should stay in an island alone!

      By Anonymous Anonymous, at July 22, 2006 11:59 AM  

    • I did take a picture.. http://img503.imageshack.us/img503/1953/dscf0045fv9.jpg Just imagine the sound to go with it.

      So they're just sitting there, no crew peoplez around to share it with, no other suped up rides to impress (notice they're driving an Opel/Vauxhall (the british name). They added some rims and a wing, but still, an OPEL). In a suburb filled with grandma's and grandchildren and the likes. Whooo. Yea you the man.

      By Blogger Jackson, at July 22, 2006 5:39 PM  

    • great topic, keep up the great posts, MMA

      By Blogger Erik Mann, at August 06, 2006 6:37 AM  

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