The Top 3 Ways To Get Hurt on the London Underground

The London Underground is the biggest underground train network system in the world with over a billion passengers travelling on it annually. They say you have never really lived in London until you've taken the Underground.

In recent years, it has become more and more dangerous to travel on the Underground. So, to help people prepare for their worst fears, I (Boss Stewie) have come up with the Top 3 Ways To Get Hurt on the London Underground.


NUMBER 3: Getting run over by a train

I am not joking when I say this. But people do get killed for falling or being pushed into the tracks just when the train arrives the station.

What should you do in such a situation? The truth is... I don't know... but cursing foul cantonese words like "HAILAT!!!" ain't gonna stop the train mate.

NUMBER 2: Underground Bombing

Underground bombings by terrorists have been quite the talk among many people here lately. The authorities do encourage the public to look out for unattended bags that could potentially hold bombs and especially items that clearly look like bombs.

What happens if nobody spots the obvious black cartoon bomb and puts out its fuse?

So the next time you see a cartoon bomb in public. I don't care if you PISS on the fuse, SHIT on the fuse or EAT the fuse (or do all three) ... JUST PUT IT OUT!!!

Number 1: C.C. aka "COCK COLLISSION"

Coming in at First Place is C.C. which is a result of the increasingly large growth in cocks among young men today.

One of our Leng Mou? photographers was lucky enough to get a photo of a similar accident on the 19th August 2005. Since then the 19th August 2005 has been widely known as "DAY OF THE RISING COCK".

Guess what happened next?

If there is one thing I love about the British, they ALWAYS learn from their mistakes. Since the Day Of The Rising Cock, the authorities have embarked on a campaign to raise the awareness of the Big Cocks that use the Underground. Signs such as this have been placed all around the Underground stations to inform Big Cocks of the potential danger their cocks may bring.

In addition to that, steps have been taken to mark the edges of platforms to remind Big Cocks to keep their 'trophies' close to them as the train arrives the station.

If that is not enough already. Each Underground station has been equipped with a few of these cleavers (or as us Malaysians would call: KITCHEN CHOPPERS).

At a worst case scenario, it is up to any member of the public to act on his/her own discretion and use the cleaver to chop off the large penis obstructing the train. I suppose that people believe, it is better to have one more dickless man in the UK rather than to risk the life of hundreds of innocent civilians.

With steps like this being taken by the authorities. I personally feel much safer travelling on the London Underground. So please, if you do visit London, don't take the bus... ride the tube instead... and like they say... "KEEP YOUR DICK IN YOUR PANTS".