• The Boss is coming! Look busy!
  • List of bloggers going for the 29th July 2006 Bloggers Meet at KLCC
  • Wednesday, November 30, 2005

    The Anal Sex Taboo

    Ahhh anal sex... gay men love it, women hate it.. and straight men love to poke but hate to be poked. (love to be the fucker but hate to be the fuckee). Check out the smile on this guy's face.

    The Durex Sex Survey 2005 says that 19% of Malaysians have experience anal sex before. Do you think that's high or low?

    Many people in the past have come up to tell me (often after some decent alcohol dosages) that they would really like to experience anal sex but their women forbid them to even mention that four letter word : Anal.

    I can perfectly understand them. I myself, would personally hate to have anything up my ass. Yep, that is rightfully an outlet and bloody hell not an inlet. Not even if you had a COCK made of GOLD and DIAMONDS like this.

    But because we at Leng Mou? are charitable (and bastards), we have decided to initiate the "Ka Chui Leng Mou Campaign" (Backside Nice or Not Campaign) to perhaps give some of those poor men some hope.

    That being said, we have managed to come up with a poster that could potentially persuade women to at least consider participating in this treacherous act!

    "Bend over and think of Malaysia"

    "Ladies, has your husband been craving anal sex lately? If he gets too desperate he could look elsewhere, he might even consider another MAN! And that would make him GAY! As we all know, gays can't fight and if we have no army, who is going to defend us from the imaginary hordes of pinko commies massing at our borders?"


    In the coming weeks, do look out for this poster in shopping malls such as KLCC and restaurants that range from McDonalds to Ali Maju mamak store. We are also printing flyers of a similar design to be handed out in places frequented by women such as hair saloons, gyms and shoe shops like Vincci.

    Your support for the "Ka Chui Leng Mou Campaign" is very much appreciated.

    This post is simply a JOKE. Please do NOT (repeat: DO NOT) print out this 'poster' and put it up on places like KLCC. You WILL (repeat: YOU WILL) get bitchslapped by women of all ages and race. If you survive the bitchslap, you WILL (repeat: YOU WILL) be dragged to the police station and forced to follow procedure. (Strip naked and do ear squats). The Bloggers of LENG MOU? will NOT (repeat again: WILL NOT) be held responsible for any consequences that result from your stupidity (repeat: STOOPIDITY).

    PS: If my gf reads this post... I will most certainly be her fuckee the next time she sees me.

    Tuesday, November 29, 2005

    Every man has to have a Dockers....

    Yes I do mean it, you and me. I love my Dockers since the first day i put it on, which was...... not too long ago :D Got it on a cheap from this shop I couldn't remember the name but it's in Bangsar Shopping Centre, go up the second floor and head for the left wing, it's sort of like a factory outlet. Anyway you can find really cheap clothes there, got my Dockers for less than RM100 which if I went to a store would cost me around RM200-300 range.

    Anyway what you are about to read is highly informational and it's not meant to be funny. Keep this in mind ok? In fact I really wanna write this post for a friend's page at http://www.the-consumers.com/ so Aaron if u reading this, feel free to cut and paste and modify and watever. BTW, there are offensive languages here so..... ;)

    So let's start with "what is Dockers?"
    What is Dockers?
    I mean to ask this question if you are a guy, shame on you, you should cut your penis off and hang it somewhere all the girls can spit saliva on.(btw this is not supposed to arouse u) I shall introduce to you what I think is superior to levi's and ought to be santa's choice of brand if he were to find a new pair of trousers.

    Oh yea baby, worship the logo.
    Worship the holy grail of manhood.
    Worship the king of KHAKI!!!
    Worship the brand that gives us something our little brother can finally feel safe in.
    What I'm telling you is that if you wear the trousers with this logo on it, girls will be attracted to you for it magnifies your manhood x 100.
    Come on it's true, haven't you been to GSC or TGV to watch a movie?
    The girl in the ads is like "OOHHH I can see what's behind that and I want it so badly yada yada"

    Ok, so maybe it's not about the brand. Coz if there's something I love about them it's certainly not the brand.
    The success story of this brand is due to QUALITY.
    Scroll down to see what I mean.

    Yea so look this is my Dockers after i wore it n times. (n to denote I lost count)
    Still clean, and trust me on this 1.
    The image of a Dockers Khaki is "smart casual" so whenever you see on an invitation to some event that says "Dress Code: Smart Casual" go with your Dockers and amaze them. Yesh Yesh, everybody will look at you and think "This guy has such a bad fashion sense" or "You think he's here for the event?" yea oh well, to hell with them, they know nothing that we do.

    If you're thinking right now "but it just looks ordinary", read on and you get what I meant by quality

    Now this is the inside waist part of the Dockers Khaki. See the grey lining there, well, it's this really rubbery linen which allows you to wear a Dockers without belt. So you can take your mind off imagining "what if my pants slipped down and the girl of my dreams sees that I have a wiener as small as an ant", rest assured, she won't find that out until she forcefully slide the pants down you and hopefully without leaving you with a burn mark due to that friction on your waistline :P

    Now comes the star of the show, if you spill water on your clothes what do you get?
    Well....... it depends.......Now that's quality.......

    But it's not the star I was referring to, this is....

    Yup, the star of the Dockers Khaki series is the material they use on the khaki itself. It's often what we refer to as Teflon. Oh yea, Teflon is a material developed by some guy at Dupont. What's cool is that liquid would just flow on the material and slides off as you tilt the cloth. It never wets the cloth, that is seriously COOL. I mean imagine when you are watching some porn and suddenly(only you not me, i'm strong) you came. Then your mom walked in and to your luck, you turn the monitor away in time. Guess what? There ain't no stain on your trousers as well, SERIOUSLY COOL!!!!! hehehehe As I said that's you, not me, I'm strong :D

    The other nice feature about this pants is that it has loads of pocket space. Just look, you even have a hidden zip at the bottom of your thigh, wow you could keep a PDA there, or an Ipod there.
    Very handy, I mean just think about the amount of things you could fit in there and nobody knows about it.
    For starters i was thinking of pistols, grenades, mini ninja turtles or even a handful of condoms. LOL nobody knows it's there, sneaky eh?

    Well, so here is another useful feature about Dockers. I've found out that Teflon as a mousepad could give you the best mousing experience ever. Look, this material has the "lowest friction coefficient of any solid material yet discovered" I took it from this site. It sells mousepad which is made from Teflon and boy, look at the price they are selling it.
    I'll tell you what, for that same price I could cut a Dockers into as many as 10 square pieces to make 10 mousepads. Such a RIP OFF. Yea so I tried to play CS on this new mousepad of mine.

    But first, check out those notty actions. Argh what can I do to get some decency these days?

    Who am I kidding? I just died in CS, got totally owned by bots, maybe it's my skills, but then I'm putting all the blame on the Teflon. It's just a bit too smooth for me. Doesn't mean the mouse slides too much, just means that well, it's a bit too smooth from all the chatting up with my mouse LOL. Sad couple. Maybe they do coordinate well, again I'm going to mention that drop of water, you know, I didn't really put it there, it was just........ THERE.

    Well I would say that this khaki is gonna be with me for a long long time, thru thick and thin, thru changes of mice and maybe one day it will settle down with a decent mouse. But who are we kidding? It's too smooth to settle down.

    So, the next time you are in Bangsar Shopping Centre, do take a look around the shop and get yourself one of these Dockers. Trust me, before I could even mention, W-A-T------E-R you will have already seen some sliding down that pants you are holding :D

    p.s. such passion.......

    p.p.s. I promise to be less vulgar and more children-friendly next time

    p.p.p.s. I'm still figuring out how that spot of water get there

    Monday, November 28, 2005

    What is Proton HIGH on this this time?

    When they launched the Proton Savvy sometime earlier this year, I remember thinking: "They can't possibly go any lower than this... This HAS GOT to be the bottom". I was wrong. I keep forgetting that Malaysia memang boleh!

    Sometime next month, the mighty Proton Chancellor is going to be launched.Now lets take a good look at the piece of shit. (I was THIS close to posting a picture of a piece of shit so that you can compare the shit to the Chancellor and spot the similiarities... but I thought I've already disgusted enough readers this month).

    Yes... it IS a STRECHED PROTON WAJA! What the fark is it with Proton trying to stretch their BUDGET cars and call them LUXURY cars? We don't see Perodua stretching their Kancils and calling them Perodua Kancil Executive do we?

    But what really got me choking on my rice was when I found out that the Chancellor is built to target the market of "high-ranking Government officers, corporate heads and senior executives." Just listening to that statement made me very very much dumber.

    I can see it right now: The wealthy corporate heads and senior executives are going to burn their Bentleys, BMWs and Mercs to make space for a PROTON CHANCELLOR in their garage.

    And when I return to Malaysia, I'm going to beg my daddy to buy me a Proton Chancellor. When he does, I'm gonna drive it out and show it off to my friends. I bet my London flatmate who drives a BMW 7 Series in KL would look at it and say:


    And I bet the girls on the street would turn their heads when I drive past them and think "Ooh... A Proton Chancellor... so so sexy... I would LURRRVEE to DO the driver."

    The good news for us is that the design of the car is only half the laugh. The real joke comes in the marketing campaign.

    My mind flashbacks to a few months ago during summer. Back then, it probably was a good idea to start a marketing campaign aiming to convince the public that Proton cars are safer than people think. But the candidate that Proton picked made it look like they were eating fried cow shit when they thought up the marketing plan.

    Lets be honest here. Your parents must have dropped you really hard on the head when you were young for you to think that this small little piece of shit car is indeed SAFE!

    I wait eagerly to see how they would market the Chancellor. What could they possibly come up with now?

    Proton Chancellor... PIMP MOBIL... ???

    Proton Chancellor... FOR THE MAN IN YOU???

    Either ways.. we are in for a goood Christmas.

    Sometimes I think of Proton as an expensive form of entertainment. We all pay to subsidise it so we can all laugh and make fun of it whenever they come up with something stupid (which is pretty often). LONG LIVE PROTON !!!! LONG LIVE PROTON !!!

    Sunday, November 27, 2005

    I saw Sean Paul, Pussycat Dolls, Stereophonics and Girls Aloud all in the same studio...

    Yesterday, Vivien was nice enough to invite me to the experience of a lifetime. We were invited to be part of the audience at the CD:UK music chart show: apparently the biggest and most popular chart show in the UK. For those of you who haven't heard of it... it's one of those shows where you have live performances and interviews with celebrities and get to see VJs try to be funny.

    It was 9.30am on a Saturday morning with the temperature a little above 0 degrees celcius and the four of us were in a queue to enter the studio. We waited for almost 2 hours before we finally got in. Believe me, the next time I wait 2 hours... it had better be for something good... like waiting to enter the Gates of Heaven.

    Inside the studio, we joined a small crowd of people and a producer-looking young man with a cap was on the stage teaching the audience signals of when to applause.. when to just clap.. and when to say "Awwwwww....."...

    Yep.. you got it... whenever you see 'live shows' like these.. everything is real... but the audience.. is fake... we don't "Awwwww..." when we really want to.. we "Awww..." when the man on stage dictates!

    The tv show lasted for about an hour with commerical breaks in between and camera crews running back and forth. There were performances by Sean Paul, Stereophonics, Girls Aloud and of course... our Don' Cha girls... The Pussycat Dolls.

    One thing I did notice. Seeing these 'celebrities' in real life.. and seeing them on tv are two whole different experiences. I have never really been one to go for 'kuai lo' girls... but when I first saw the Girls Aloud girls, I nearly came in my pants. But rest assured, because that's the only thing they can really do... make guys come in their pants... cuz they sure as hell can't sing for shit...

    The Pussycat Dolls on the other hand... are completely different. There are 7 of them in the group, but it is very obvious that only Nicole (the one in the middle) is the soul of the group. She is FREAKING HOT in real life and she can reallyy really sing. She .. is truly talent in the making... and I'm giving it one year, until she leaves the group and goes solo.

    Unfortunately, we weren't allowed to bring our cameras into the studio so I wasn't able to take any photos of the whole show. But all in all, it was a great experience... and great fun. (see Vivien? I had FUN)

    Did I appear on UK TV?


    Did anyone see it?

    I really really really doubt it.

    Saturday, November 26, 2005

    Woo Hoo Skiing

    Yesh, it's time to take a time out from my busy schedule packed with all the stupid assignments and preps for tests to talk about skiing. YESH!!! I'M GOING SKIING, the thing is....... my boss very "diao geh" and dowan to go skiing with me. Diao Geh summore la, muahaha I shall tempt my boss by showing him the wonderful things that might happen if he came along......

    Here is my prediction on what might be going to happen........

    YESH........ I might see this when I'm on the bus from Geneva Airport as I approach the valley(let's cut all the crap about getting to the airport,flying n getting drunk on the flight etc not worth mentioning), hope I'm awake then, I know sleeping on the bus is not the most comfortable thing but hey, conserve energy for some action on the slopes, OH RIGHT.......(boss, say this Quagmire style)

    Ok, maybe the last picture made the slopes look very scary, maybe this 1 might be better at convincing u that this is a "SAFE" sport.

    Er....... not too convincing, but nevermind, I mean it's not gonna be that bad right? I have insurance no problem. Although....... it might be worth taking down the number of the place in the blue sign and maybe confirming if they have anybody there speaking ENGLISH. I'm still sure it will be an action-packed FUN week to ski.......
    Ahhh, now this is the part my boss will miss SO MUCH!!! Hehehe, I can even dream at night about this ahh ahh ahh(I realised if u're under 65 then u're always under 30 k??)....... ffs it's only a small obligation I'm sure the females won't mind right?? But i was thinking....... if my boss were to come, he would love the sign to be changed from “under 30 & under 65 kgs"to "under 160cm" right boss? I know your taste boss.

    Anyway I think the sign would motivate me to head for the slopes asap, I mean 1 more lady seen naked is better than 1 less lady seen right?
    ..........I wish they could just stop warning us about all these. (and people don't fall over in such an awkward fashion, do they?) It's not gonna be that bad right?
    According to http://pistehors.com/backcountry/wiki/Avalanches/Accident-Statistics, the total accidents in Chamonix is ......... 2 accidents 2 deaths........ ok statistic wat, come on how likely is it for me to get into an accident? huh??? Unless......
    This is not a very nice thing to do right? I mean this is totally fiction, nobody would slam into a tree like that and if you just know how to avoid them you wouldn't have anything to worry about. Trees don't move!!! Do they? Am I just being paranoid, arghhhh i'm going skiing and I'm supposed to be enjoying this........
    Ouch...........Oh jolly good, lucky i note down the number and also i must say, excellent service man. Got helicopter, syokzzz :D
    I mean those people are so smart, so rare that you could g oon a helicopter and they prepare 1 so that you don't feel your pain so much. Oh wait, it's freezing cold so you wouldn't feel anything anyway, just numb......

    OK la, maybe my boss won't miss skiing, but A-HA he would miss seeing my crash into that tree and the cool helicopter ride. Yesh BOSS YESH!!!

    Oh yea boss, and this too........ hehehe I know la, no Japanese nurses in France, but still can fantasize right??

    p.s. Boss if anything happens to me during the ski trip, you can give my portion of the duck to zw.

    p.p.s. On second thought, eat my portion yourself so we can "suffer" together in the hospital

    Thursday, November 24, 2005

    Imperial College Bans Hoodies on Campus

    Imperial College, the favourite engineering school among Malaysians in London have officially banned everyone from wearing hoodies on campus in response to the July terrorist attacks and fears of theft.

    For those of you who aren't sure... hoodies are like this:

    Some people see 'hoodies' as the uniform of "bad people" or "gangsters". But if you're in Malaysia, you probably won't see much of this cuz it is too damn hot there and you must have shit for brains to wear one. (Yes.. yes.. shit like the ones in my previous post.. hahahah)

    So, I started wondering, how did an extra piece of clothing that looks so good get mixed up with all these negative opinions?

    Lets start by looking at the famous 'celebrities' who are known to wear hoodies.

    First, we have Eminem who we get to see in a Hoody all the time.

    Then comes Death that has stared in many tv shows... including Family Guy. For those of you who don't remember, Death is supposed to be the guy who takes you up to heaven (or down to hell) after you die. He carries that "big knife on a stick" with him everywhere he goes... so when he does come for you... go peacefully or its going to hurt BAD.

    Even Death's doggie has a hoody...

    Then there's everyone's favourite... Kenny from Southpark

    And lets not forget our old Little Red Riding Hood

    Well.... not quite the Red Riding Hood I was thinking of... I was thinking somewhere along the lines of....

    Ahh.. that's much better...hubba hubba...

    And... last but not least.... there is ME (Boss Stewie)

    I LOVE my Hoody!!!

    So I really can't see how hoodies became a bad thing??? It's gotta be because of Eminem, Death, Kenny or Red Riding Hood.

    Cuz it most certainly can't be me... or this this little baby... can it?

    Wednesday, November 23, 2005

    Rate My Shit


    I decided to wander around the internet and once again I stumbled (well, again... not exactly 'stumbled') upon a very very 'interesting' site.

    Now I have heard of sites where people would rate how you look, rate your body, rate your breasts (hopefully only if you were a woman) and even rate your cock (nono... we asian cocks small.. don't post it up there unless you're looking for trouble). But I had never seen anything like this.

    So come closer to the screen and take a good look at this

    and this

    Now... the interesting bit about this is not the shit itself, but the response you would have when you first take a look at this. If you were thinking

    "What the hell did this guy eat to have such big shit!!!"

    "How big must his asshole be?!"

    or even


    Then... I hate to be the one to break it to you... but you have issues. So, do drop me an e-mail and I'll recommend you to a family friend and a great psychiatrist at Lam Wah Yee Hospital in Penang.

    Now, a normal person's reaction to seeing those photos would be

    "Which sick FUK would take a picture of his own SHIT and put it up on the internet ?!?!?!"
    "What the hell is Stewie high on this time???"

    Yes yes that's right...

    So now.. lets try again. Take a look at this picture.



    PS 1: I know how this must look... "Retarded Stewie... first looking online for pictures of Malaysian toilets... and now looking online for pictures of shit...." so in my defence.... all I have to say is... "AHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA"

    PS 2: If looking at pieces of shit turn you on... then go to www.ratemypoo.com and knock yourself out...

    Tuesday, November 22, 2005

    Prank Calls

    I just thought I had to share this with you guys.

    You will find there a Jack Nicholson soundboard that some bored people like myself use to prank call people. Here are two good examples of that



    In case some of you didn't know, those sounds were from Jack Nicholson in an older (but still very good movie) called A Few Good Men. Look at how worked up that woman got... HAHAAHAHAHAH. I can't wait to go back to Malaysia and do that on somebody there... you can imagine the responses you would get... "DIU LEI LOU MOU LEH KONG MEH KUAI !?!?!?"


    PS: If you enjoyed that... you will also enjoy this


    That's right.. that's Samuel L Jackson's voice...

    Monday, November 21, 2005

    The Top 3 Ways To Get Hurt on the London Underground

    The London Underground is the biggest underground train network system in the world with over a billion passengers travelling on it annually. They say you have never really lived in London until you've taken the Underground.

    In recent years, it has become more and more dangerous to travel on the Underground. So, to help people prepare for their worst fears, I (Boss Stewie) have come up with the Top 3 Ways To Get Hurt on the London Underground.

    NUMBER 3: Getting run over by a train

    I am not joking when I say this. But people do get killed for falling or being pushed into the tracks just when the train arrives the station.

    What should you do in such a situation? The truth is... I don't know... but cursing foul cantonese words like "HAILAT!!!" ain't gonna stop the train mate.

    NUMBER 2: Underground Bombing

    Underground bombings by terrorists have been quite the talk among many people here lately. The authorities do encourage the public to look out for unattended bags that could potentially hold bombs and especially items that clearly look like bombs.

    What happens if nobody spots the obvious black cartoon bomb and puts out its fuse?

    So the next time you see a cartoon bomb in public. I don't care if you PISS on the fuse, SHIT on the fuse or EAT the fuse (or do all three) ... JUST PUT IT OUT!!!

    Number 1: C.C. aka "COCK COLLISSION"

    Coming in at First Place is C.C. which is a result of the increasingly large growth in cocks among young men today.

    One of our Leng Mou? photographers was lucky enough to get a photo of a similar accident on the 19th August 2005. Since then the 19th August 2005 has been widely known as "DAY OF THE RISING COCK".

    Guess what happened next?

    If there is one thing I love about the British, they ALWAYS learn from their mistakes. Since the Day Of The Rising Cock, the authorities have embarked on a campaign to raise the awareness of the Big Cocks that use the Underground. Signs such as this have been placed all around the Underground stations to inform Big Cocks of the potential danger their cocks may bring.

    In addition to that, steps have been taken to mark the edges of platforms to remind Big Cocks to keep their 'trophies' close to them as the train arrives the station.

    If that is not enough already. Each Underground station has been equipped with a few of these cleavers (or as us Malaysians would call: KITCHEN CHOPPERS).

    At a worst case scenario, it is up to any member of the public to act on his/her own discretion and use the cleaver to chop off the large penis obstructing the train. I suppose that people believe, it is better to have one more dickless man in the UK rather than to risk the life of hundreds of innocent civilians.

    With steps like this being taken by the authorities. I personally feel much safer travelling on the London Underground. So please, if you do visit London, don't take the bus... ride the tube instead... and like they say... "KEEP YOUR DICK IN YOUR PANTS".