Bye Bye Baby :(

Yesterday, my baby left me to return to Malaysia where the grass is green and the girls are pretty.

The candles that I had lit for her in my room a few days ago are all burnt out now.

I thought I would be happy... FREEDOM !!!! But I was wrong.

My little flat in London (nicknamed the Cave since its very dark and small) has started to feel a little empty.

I miss going grocery shopping with my baby (and our policy that I will hold the basket while she held on to the broccoli) I miss listening to the way she slurps when she drinks her hot Japanese green tea. I miss being dragged by her onto rollercoasters

Believe it or not, I even miss going with her for NS

And it doesn't matter if I have to buy her another one of these expensive dresses Even buying this two hundred dollar pair of shoes feel much less painful to me now

I miss the adventure of secretly bringing things she doesn't approve of when we go travelling
(Now there's no one around to tell me why I shouldn't wear my "Saya Anak Malaysia" t-shirt)
I miss having her stop me from eating ice-cream because I'm fat I miss having her around to tell me that "Because I got high" is not an appropriate song to sing in front of my mother and sister.

*sigh*
I miss my baby*Photo info: The last photo we took before she left London. As you can see, I found it very difficult to smile*

Boss Lepton and his laughing ways

Boss Lepton was down in London again last weekend, not purely for leisure but also for a job interview. Now when Boss Lepton is acting all grown-up and matured... he looks like this
When he is acting... less grown-up and matured... he looks like this And when he's watching comedy on TV... well.. uhmm..

The night before his interview, he was watching Eurotrip on TV in my living room. For those of you who never caught it, Eurotrip is an American-Pie Style teen comedy with... good humour and lots of boobies. I took this video of Boss Lepton while he was watching Europtrip. Watch the whole video the laughing escalates from small bursts of laughter to... well... check it out...




Nobody laughs like Boss Lepton.

PS: We are forced to say that the black thing that Boss Lepton is waving in the air and beating the couch with isn't a dildo. And no.. Boss Lepton is not SM.

Tale of 2 bak-kut-teh eaters

Once upon a time in a country not so far away........... there lived 2 really closed friends, Boss Stewie and Boss Lepton. They have very few in common, for example, Boss Stewie has a mole which girls find sexy, Boss Lepton has no mole which girls find NOT sexy. Also, Boss Stewie finds drinking peanut-butter-banana milkshake very appetizing, Boss Lepton considers luxury drinks like this not an essential part of his foodchain and so doesn't find it different from the average plain water.

However, there are 2 things in that Boss Stewie and Boss Lepton have in common:

1. Their love of their meat. No I don't mean that meat that every guy is supposed to love.

Boss Lepton loves his PORK

and Boss Stewie loves his beef, he even makes sure that his beef is dolphin-friendly, as so......

2. Their love of bak kut teh.

Bak kut teh ought to be one of Malaysia's national dish, come on, Singapore's bak kut teh doesn't even come close in terms of tastiness. The only flaw in making it Malaysia's national dish is that it is cooked with pork, which offends the Muslim community. However, this is not an issue, Boss Lepton respects that and doesn't mind that it is not given its recognition as long as we still get to eat it.

Boss Stewie and Boss Lepton used to have their Bak kut teh for breakfast almost every weekend. They would drive for almost half an hour to their favourite bak kut teh shop in Glenmarie, get a table along with some other friends and ordered the usual.

"Yat Poh Fu Chuk, Yat Poh cham cham, ma lai chan kangkung" which translates to

"One pot of Dried Bean Curd, one pot of everything mixed, sambal belacan kangkung"

And if you hadn't guessed it yet, YES Boss Stewie is a FFE(F**king Fu Chuk Eater). His personal pot of bak kut teh contains no pork(what dya mean by no pork in bak kut teh?!?!?!) and lots of fu chuk. When I said lots of fu chuk, I meant only fu chuk. Pathetic isn't it?

Boss Lepton, on the other extreme, loves his pork. I demand only the finest bak kut teh, where its pork is tender and soft, just like tofu.......

After an enjoyable years which make Boss Stewie and Boss Lepton two really fat-f**ks, they had to fly over to the UK to further their studies.

Then nightmare begins, there would be times when Boss Stewie wakes up in the middle of the night, hugging his pillow, trembling on his bed, squeaking "Fu Chuk.... Teh..... Fu Chuk..... Teh". Boss Lepton would always be shivering in the dark corner of his room, clinging onto his penguin doll, murmering "Here porky porky porky...... here porky porky porky......."

The pain, the HORROR, the ADDICTION of bak kut teh. That lasted for a good half a year, until both of them found the right recipe to cook bak kut teh. Finally the thirst has been quench, but there was still something missing from the common bak kut teh.

Boss Stewie demands his Fu Chuk to be like the ones he likes, Boss Lepton demands that the pork is tender.

"How the F**K do we do that Boss?" they asked and then they went on venturing into the quest of obtaining the how to make the Best Bak Kut Teh..........................

2 years have passed now, with the skills and knowledge obtained by trial and error, they could finally enjoy their tasty bak kut teh once again.

Boss Stewie's resolution:

"I found out that you have to deep fry your fu chuk first before putting it into your bak kut teh. First, heat the oil on high heat. Then make sure your hand is wet and sprinkle some water into the oil while putting in the fu chuk at the same time. The result is a bubbly deep-fried fu chuk which is very crispy to chew on. Put it inside your bak kut teh to boil and voila, we have the yummiest thing in the universe."

Boss Lepton's resolution:

"The answer to my problem is very simple, you just need...........

Put one or two tablets of panadol into your bak kut teh and voila, you can get the most tender bak kut teh in the whole world. This actually applies to all meat dishes, for example, I put panadol in my rendang, chicken soup, and even in my curry. No wonder I don't feel feverish even though I feel sick."

Fact: pork becomes soft with one hour boiling instead of the minimum 3 hours that are written in the recipe book. Beef in rendang becomes soft with 2 hours of braising instead of a whole day.


So that's it, two secrets to the best bak kut teh in the world. The question is........


Anybody wanna try Leng Mou?'s very own Bak Kut Teh?


p.s. come if you have fever :D

The UKEC Careers Fair

For the past 2 and a half years that I've been studying in the UK, I've always known UKEC for being the organisation that did nothing except hold annual elections to elect a new committee each year that would once again do nothing.

Tip: UKEC is a student organisation in the UK by and for Malaysian students.

And to my knowledge, that was all true, they really DID NOTHING. So last year when I was told a new and capable committee was taking over the society... I thought it was going to be again another redundant year for the organisation.

But I was wrong.

UKEC this year had been organising many events and doing many many things that I shamefully never attended.

However, just a few days ago Boss Lepton and I decided to pay a visit to a little careers fair they held at UCL (University College London) which included representatives from companies like KPMG, BAT and CIMB.
(Pic Info: My baby and I outside UCL on the day of the fair)

Yes, we were impressed. The event was crowded with people.It was very obvious to us how well planned the event was and how hard the UKEC people worked before and even during the event to ensure its success.

(Did I mention that the organisers running around planning the event were all extremely helpful and friendly in spite of their busy schedules?)

Unfortunately I don't personally know any of the people behind UKEC except for my friend Tock so I leave it to him to tell everyone else what a great job I think they've done.
Kudos to the current UKEC committee.

PS: Tock is SINGLE, AVAILABLE and ELIGIBLE.
To arrange a date please call 1-800-TOCK-THE-COCK.
*local call charges may apply*

In the mean time, Boss Lepton and I took the opportunity to steal many freebies and hand out our CVs to many of the companies there.

And since we're on the subject of passing CVs around, attached below is a text version of Boss Stewie's CV. Call me if got job for Boss Stewie ok? Thank you thank you.

Boss Stewie's CV

First name: Boss
Last name: Stewie
Full name: Boss Stewie (Duh?)
D.O.B.: 8/8/1984
E-mail: lengmoublog@yahoo.com
Contact Number: 755-2525 or 1-800-BOSS-STEWIE-2-U

Address:
21 Jalan Itik Sedap,
10290 Pulau Pinang,
Malaysia.

Work Experience

June 2003-August 2003 at Hisap Kotek Production Company

Assisted in the production of 5-star porn movie "Fellowship of the Kotek Ring". Was given essential job of the "pek pek light holder" where I perfected the skill of keeping the hand steady while holding a light pointed at a spot.

June 2004-August 2004 at Ah Lian Modelling Co.

Acted as one of the 'hamsap' guys who are paid to pretend to be very attracted to the very fugly models at the model show. Succeeded in boosting the models' confidence and making them think more that the world revolves around them.

Education

2003-Present
University of Entau Bah London, BA Business Management

2002-2003
BUY ONE "A" FREE ONE "A" College, A-levels with subjects:
Buttock Kissing (Grade A), Tokking Kok (Grade A), Tokking Sense (Grade E)

1997-2001
Sekolah Menengah Kebangsaan Ham Sap

SPM (15 subjects)

Bahasa England - C6
Bahasa Malaysia - C6
Mathematik - C6
Matematik Tambahan - C6
Biologi - C6
Kimia - C6
Fizik - C6
Sejarah - C6
Geografi - C6
Pendidikan Seni - C6
Sains Am - C6
Perdagangan - C6
Economics - C6
Prinsip Akaun - C6
Pendidikan Moral - A1

Positions of Responsibility

President of the Mai Hagiwara Fan Club in secondary school and the Kelab "20-inchi lebih".

Interests and Activites

Roast-duck, fu chuk, bak kut teh.

2nd Runner-up for the Roast Duck Eating Marathon 2005 sponsored by Four Seasons, Bayswater London.

I used to play 12 hours of Counterstrike a day in my teens. Playing Counterstrike helped sharpen my micro-management, social and foul language cursing skills.

Languages:
Fluent in Duck and Bullshit. Conversational command of English.

To my friends who play too much World of Warcraft (WoW)

There might be hope for all of you in the job market after all.

Check out Slinky's post here.

At this pace, it won't be long before FHM comes up with a new issue with the headline:

"MOST WOMEN FIND GUYS WHO DO NOTHING BUT PLAY WoW EXTREMELY HOT AND SEXY".

TIU TIU TIU........ Tiu Tuition?

As pointed out by some of our recent SPM top scorers, high achievers have no need for any tuition. In other words, people who have brains where their testicles are meant to be don't need tuition to score in SPM.



Yea sure, having home tuition can be very expensive. On average, having home tuition in KL could cost you at least RM250 a month. Take that same amount of money down to Chow Kit and you could get 2 hours with a decent looking GRO (even get her to dress up like a school girl for an extra RM50).

Note: GRO = Guest Relations Officer



Not only have tuition teachers been busy with tuition but even tuition agents have been singing their way to the bank with expensive commissions they earn from matches. Heck, less than a year there were only a few online tuition agents, today there are more than 10 and all of them charge hefty commissions (Except for this Malaysian Home Tuition site that remains a free service... but who knows how long that's gonna last).

So the golden question is... IS TUITION NECESSARY?

And the answer is... "YES"

Boss Lepton remembers going to tuition to meet girls from other school. Boss Stewie went to a boy school... so how do you think he found his girlfriends?



Possibly IRC, possibly just through friends... but he did tell me once that he met a very very hot girl from BM tuition.

All of us remembered how fun it was going to class tuition, passing notes to girls in class while the girls pretend to be annoyed when they actually enjoy the little attention as well. Ahh.. innocent puppy love.



Well obviously the above applies for those only goes to tuition centres. What about those who prefer to have home tuition? For starters, I would only pay the more expensive fees if my teacher looks like......


Well, actually I prefer them looking more like.......


That would actually explain why those having home tuition might have a higher chance of scoring in an exam. Their eyes are fixed to the book rather than somewhere else. Coz er...... well you should get what I mean.

So what's the bottomline you ask?

Take a tuition(or tuitions), meet girls, look at pretty teachers or simply choose a teacher so that you are forced to push your face into books. Now do you understand why we shouldn't tiu tuition?

YAMATEH... YAMATEHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am hardly a rollercoaster fan but somehow on my recent trip to Paris Disneyland my baby dragged me onto all the 5 rollercoasters that could be found in the theme park.

Fortunately, of the 5 rollercoasters, only 4 of them had 360 degree loops, big drops and corkscrews... but one of them... was the scariest roller coaster I had ever been on in my life.

It was called the Space Mountain Mission II.

Now I have been on the Space Mountain in Disneyland Tokyo and the one in LA but they were both nothing like this.

Here's how the sick sick ride goes.

Once you get on a coaster. They load you into a "cannon barrel". Then after a countdown they catapult you up the track and dive down into the building where all you see is darkness and stars.

And then begins the 360 loops, corkscrews and 4 or 5 sharp drops.

Being very honest here, I am never one to scream when being on roller-coasters. I somehow always suffer on the inside myself but on the Space Mountain II, I screamed like a girl.

Actually, it first started off with very manly shouts and foul language curses like "MA CHOW HAAII!!!!"... then it moved on to slightly more feminine-like screams.
By the time the ride was halfway through, my testicles had shrunk to the size of M&Ms and I was no longer cursing foul language but instead screaming "YAMATEH!!! YAMATEEHHH!!!!" like a Japanese porn star.

Yes... at that point, I might as well have put on a dress and panty hose.

But don't take my word for it. Let the pictures do the talking.

First, this is how Boss Stewie looks like in a normal setting. (Boss Stewie is the one on the right)

Now when Boss Stewie sat on a ride like Thundermountain in Disneyland Paris that goes around a mountain like this

with no loops or corkscrews but a few little sharp drops here and there and some sharp turnings... this is how he looked like

or even like this... (trying to act macho and smooch girlfriend on a rollercoaster)

Now one step higher on rides such as the Aerosmith or Indiana Jonesthat have warnings like this This is how Boss Stewie looked like

And finally.. on space mountain...

This is how Boss Stewie looked like

Now I sat on Space Mountain over and over again hoping to be able to make a straight enough face for the cameras but to no avail. I gave up after the 3rd time.

So.. does that prove my point?

Disneyland Paris also had me sit on my first virtual rollercoaster ride. The way it works is you get to design your own rollercoaster track using machines like this
at the end of your design, there is even a meter to tell how scary your ride is out of a scale of 5 and then you sit them through in simulators like this

I tried to make the ride as scary as I could with as many loops and drops as possible but I only got a rating or 4/5 and I can't say I was even the least bit as scared as I was at Space Mountain.

But whatever it is... the rollercoasters at Disneyland were amazing... and so is my souvenier mug!!

A Letter to MTV: Pimp My Proton

Dear MTV/XZibit,

I watch Pimp My Ride religiously and I love the show more than anything else. I get excited every time I see how you manage to turn someone's junk car that embarrasses him into something that makes him the most cocky sonofabitch you'd ever know. I write you now to ask if you would be so nice as to PIMP MY RIDE.

I am from Penang, Malaysia and I drive a Proton Waja 1.6 Litre.

My car is not very old and it looks alright from the outside but believe me that things are not the way it seems.

Inside my Proton Waja, everything falls apart almost regularly. The bits and pieces of plastic on all four of my doors break off easily. My central locking always fails for one of my doors.

Almost every month, one of my four power windows will fail and no matter how many times I try to fix it, the remote 'unlock' button on my key rarely works and always manages to find the right time to fail me ie when its raining like a bitch and I'm trying to get into the car.

The engine of my car is a joke. Everytime I 'floor' the accelerator, my engine will scream like an F1 car but it will take about 3 seconds before the car responds and moves forward. By then, the Kereta Lembu (bullocart) that I would've been racing with would have already disappeared in the distance. Even when my car is stationary, there are problems: the engine vibrates the entire car almost like a nuclear-powered dildo.

I also recently read a crash test report on Euroncap which concluded that

"Proton claims that the Impian (Waja) is the first of a new generation of cars that are designed to Euro NCAP standards. Its performance in the frontal impact was flawed, however, while the protection it offered to pedestrians also proved inadequate.

This was a disappointing performance but Proton says it intends to improve future designs. The car's body was damaged so badly by the impact that it became unstable. The driver and front passenger risked serious injury. The child restraints performed poorly and it became apparent that, in development, too little thought had been given to their use."

You hear that MTV??? And that was the EXPORT version of the Waja that has airbags. The one I have in Malaysia ONLY COMES WITH PLASTIC BAGS!!!!

*CRY* AUGHH I DUN WANNA DIE IN A PROTON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Watching your previous episodes of Pimp My Ride, I notice that you like to take peoples' interest into account when customising their rides. For example, you installed a motorised surf-board holder on this guy's VW van. MTV, I am very interested in guns, boyish war-related stuff and girls, so if you could take my Proton and turn it into this, this
or even this

That would be great.

So please MTV... PIMP MY RIDE!

PRETTY PRETTY PUH-LEEZE!!!! PLEASE.... just tell me whose cock I would have to suck...