ALWAYS USE LEFT EAR FOR MOBILE PHONES

That was the heading of an e-mail from my aunty that I read when I woke up this morning. It was all in big red fonts.

ALWAYS USE LEFT EAR FOR MOBILE PHONES

>As received

Save your brain

Please use left ear while using cell (mobile), because if you use the right one it will affect brain directly. This is a true fact from Apollo medical team. Please forward to all your well wishers

It was early and I foolishly almost believed it for a few minutes. Then after I had the first sip of my morning coffee, it finally came to me: "WTF?!?!"

So I did some research online and it turned out that some of the e-mails of this 'warning' sent out had even this diagram to help convince people that it was ... real.

*It turned out to be a hoax as reported by Hoax-Slayer. Click here to find out how/why*

But what the diagram said didn't really matter did it. They could have had THIS for a diagram

and yet half the people who received it WOULD HAVE believed it.

Realising how naive some people were, I was a tempted for a while to release a hoax of my own.

All you have to do is write a small case with loose reasoning and put in the name of a seemingly valid organisation. Example...

-------Beginning of Leng Mou's Hoax----------
SIT ON YOUR LEFT BUTT CHEEK WHEN YOU USE THE TOILET.

Brussels, Belgium -Scientists from the World Health Development Body (WHDB) had recently discovered that sitting on the toilet when taking a dump can lead to brain damage in the long term.

Prof Dr. Jacob Mou, Head of the World Health Development Body said

"We have found very strong evidence in the past few days that due to our modern diet, the human body has evolved to make it such that putting weight on your right butt cheek while sitting on the toilet can cause brain damage in the long term. We strongly advise people to sit on their left butt cheeks when on the toilet and ensure that their right butt cheek is in mid-air throughout the duration of the time."
The research was carried out for 8 years on 5,302 human participants of which 2,900 were male. It was found from the research that 53.2% of the human participants had became slow or mentally retarded by the end of the 8 year experiment.

------End of Leng Mou's Hoax-----

THERE YOU HAVE IT! I took 5 minutes to write this HOAX, and I bet that if I send this out by e-mail, some people will believe it and forward it around (no matter how ridicolous it sounds... seriously.. LEFT BUTT-CHEEK?!?!).

But I'm not going to do it... neither should anyone else do it because... we are not bastards are we?

Note:that there is no such thing as a WHDB, nor a Professor Jacob Mou.I just made it up ... but few people are going to get this in their e-mail and google "WHDB" or "PROFESSOR JACOB MOU BRUSSELS" are they...*sigh*

So the next time you receive something stupid like that in your mailbox, VERIFY first.. because 90% of them are hoaxes.

And the next time you see a broken toilet seat... you know the last person to sit on it reads Leng Mou?

So it turns out that semen from masturbation does NOT cause blockages

A UK university's student newspaper recently reported that the Durham "masturbation in the showers" notice was a prank by some students. Now don't you just hate people like this?

They're the same kind of people that tell you Santa Clause does not exist, that sex is overrated and that Tara Reid's boobs are fake.

Yes... maybe it is for our own good that these people tell us the truth once in a while to take us out of our fantasy world... but do people HAVE to do that?

Anyway, back to Durham. I think we should give Durham a big thumbs up for being quite the understanding university. According to the article I read, they mentioned that the prank made their staff look bad although they did acknowledge they understand it was all in good fun. They didn't mention anything like

"WE"RE GOING TO HUNT DOWN THE CULPRITS AND SHOOT THEM IN THE HEAD"

So I'm guessing they're quite the sporting university that can most definitely take a joke.

Surfing around their student union site, I also found some interesting information that all university students should know. This can be seen in full here but I'll give you guys a snippet of it.

As everyone knows, all of Durham's LGBT students are stunning(?). The more you socialise, the more guys and girls you're going to get to know. Getting into bed with someone might not be a problem, so we have drawn up a list of pointers that ought to see you SAFELY through the night. STD's (Sexually Transmitted Diseases) are a part of sexual society that aren't going away, so STAY SAFE:

• By using EXTRA-STRONG CONDOMS whenever you have penetrative sexual intercouse, and use plenty of WATER BASED LUBE. (Both are free from the LGBT officers at Dunelm House)
• By not sharing sex toys,
• By avoiding ejaculating in the mouth,
• By keeping fingernails short,
• By getting yourself EDUCATED as to the type of sex you want, and the best ways to stay safe whilst DOING IT!

That's right!!! MEMORISE THESE POINTERS FOR SAFE SEX.

NUMBER 1: USE EXTRA-STRONG CONDOMS

"EXTRA-STRONG CONDOMS" do NOT mean these little sissy fetherlite ones.

They mean fingernail-proof, fire-proof and sword-proof CHAINMAIL condoms just like the one we have here.

Yes... IT IS GOING TO HURT... but it is for the sake of safe sex...

NUMBER 2: NO SHARING SEX TOYS

Ok boys, that means... NO SHARING YOUR GIRLFRIENDS' DILDOS.

You want to DILDO yourself, GET YOUR OWN DILDO.

PS: I hear they have USB powered vibrators now.

NOW HOW COOL IS THAT. You can now print your photos, charge your iPod and power your vibrator all with just the help of your USB ports.

Number 3: AVOID EJACULATING IN MOUTH

THAT'S RIGHT BOYS. NO EJACULATING IN YOUR MOUTHS UNDERSTOOD?!?

You now have another reason NOT to do so (on top of the most obvious reason that it is just ... not right).

NUMBER 4: KEEP YOUR FINGERNAILS SHORT

Uhmm... just do it...

NUMBER 5: EDUCATE YOURSELF AS TO THE TYPE OF SEX YOU WANT

There are many many types of sex. There is NORMAL sex that I encourage, and then there is gay sex that is not my thing but I am open-minded, so I accept that if you want to do it, go ahead.

And then there is animal sex which is just... WRONG so if you want to go shag a sheep...

I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT IT!!!!!

So there you have it. Fantastic tips from one of the best universities in the UK. I love Durham. It's so refreshing to see another university guiding its students in what to do and what not to do if they were to engage in naughty naughty stuff rather than calling it a taboo and never talking about it ever again.

Ok boys... enough chit chat now... TO THE SHOWERS!!!!

Getting in trouble with Japanese

My gf and I have been feeling very Japanese-sy lately after we watched Battle Royale (yes... we have never watched it till yesterday) .

So today we went to Japan Centre on Piccadily Circus to buy RM140 worth of Japanese junk food and groceries including udon, seaweed and plenty plenty of Japanese biscuits.

Now before I go on, let me point out one thing about many of us non-Japanese asians. Lets say I ask you to say out a few Japanese words that you know.

If you were a girl, the first few words to come out of your mouth would probably be "Arigato"(Thank you), "Konichiwa" (Good day) and "Sayonara" (Bye bye).

Now if you were a guy, the first few words to come out of your mouth would probably be "Kimochi"(Comfortable) and "Yamateh" (Don't). Now come on guys... BE HONEST... you know thats true.. and you can blame our lovely Miss Hagiwara here for that
But that's still true.

So anyway, after our little Japanese grocery shopping trip we decided to stop for tea at Sketch: The very talked about tea-time place in London where I had the most expensive cup of hot chocolate I have ever had costing me RM28 a cup.

While we were seated down and having our expensive tea with lovely little desert cakes that I had to sell my left testicle to pay for.

my gf asked me "So what Japanese words do you know?"

Shamefully, the first words to leave my mouth were "KIMOCHI" and "YAMATEH"

and then she giggled and asked me "What do you think they call a "condom" in Japanese?"

So I self-brainstormed and started guessing terms like "KIMOCHI-DOM" and "CON-MOCHI".

Then suddenly my dear gf kept silent for a few seconds and just looked down at her expensive cup of hot chocolate.
I asked her "MEH SI?"

and she spoke very softly... " There are two Japanese girls sitting right next to us.. shh"

I looked to my right and I saw the two Japanese girls glaring at me (excuse the blur photo, I had to take the picture without flash in order to avoid further pissing them off).

They were saying some stuff in Japanese that I couldn't catch but I am pretty sure I heard the words "BAKA" (idiot) and "HENTAI"(pervert) in their sentences.

So for the rest of our expensive tea-time, both our adjacent tables were pretty much... silent. I took the opportunity to snap another photo of the angry Japanese girls that we have.... somehow offended.

At one point, I was about to apologize to them but I was afraid that if I attempted to speak another word of Japanese, the word "KIMOCHI" might fly out of my mouth again.

So my gf and I maintained the silence and went home to eat our Japanese biscuits.So the next time you try to learn Japanese... maybe it would be best to learn by taking proper Japanese classes instead of learning it from our lovely Miss Hagiwara.

What's so wrong about Boss Stewie's driving?

I was just looking through some of my photos taken last December while I was back in Malaysia and I happened to come across a little video I never knew existed.

I was driving around in KL with a couple of my KL buddies and the one in the back seat decided to take this little short video of my little driving experience.

The one driving on the right in the video is Boss Stewie and the one on the left is one of Boss Stewie's buddies: Thean



Just in case any of you didn't catch what he said, I shall include a transcript of the short video.

Thean: U-turn lar mahai....
Thean: U-turn already lah!
Thean: U-TURN ALREADY LAR@(*$#@*&(&#$*($*&(#$@#(AND THEN HE SAID IT) PENANG DRIVER AIIIEEEEEEEE HAAAAAA AHHH HAAAA#%%##*)($)*(#$#$ DON'T KILL ME*(@*&(&(*@#*(@#

Boss Stewie: U-turn lar U-turn lar oklar U-turn lar diuu...

It hurts.. It JUST HURTS because I've been driving for more than 4 years and everyone in KL including my own friends are biased against the Penang driver :(

What's wrong with us Penang drivers apart from this---> Click here

Driving my first Hybrid Car

For my roadtrip that I got back from just a few days ago, I rented a nice little car (well actually 2 of them since there were 8 of us on the trip). Note that when I say nice... I don't mean... Aston Martin nice...

I mean... "Environmentally-friendLIER" nice. Yes... we've all heard it before. We only have one earth, one home... so lets take care of it.

*hugs a tree*

Ok ok.. the truth is... I don't care about the environment...But the car rental company just shoved us that Hybrid Car ... BURN THE CRUDE OIL!!! BURN BURN !!!.

That's right... I LOVE MOTHER NATURE!!!

Anyway, the car we rented was a Toyota Prius. Something I have yet to see in Malaysia. The cool thing about the car is that it has both a petrol engine (that most cars have, unless you drive your car the Flintstone way)

and also an electric engine which I show in the picture below. (Just to make sure you're all clear on this.. electric engine runs on electricity.. just like a semen engine would run on semen).
I would imagine that the black box on the left is the petrol engine and the silver box on the right is the electric engine.

Sure sure, most of you would rather drive a car like this
and look at an engine like THIS.

BUT COME ON MAN!!! FOR THE SAKE OF MOTHER NATURE!!!

So anyway, the way it works is when the car moves, the moving tyres power a dynamo that charge the secondary battery used to power the electric motor. Also, when there is excess energy generated by the petrol engine, that excess power is used to charge the secondary battery.

When the battery is charged well enough, it can be used to power the car and the feeling is just utterly cool. Imagine driving a car that has no engine sound at all, COMPLETELY silent. It took me a while to get used to it.
And to make things even cooler.. the car is more powerful than your average 1.5 litre car because when you floor the accelerator, both the electric and petrol engines work together to give you more pickup.

So in plain English, the car uses about 40% less fuel (or so I was told) than an ordinary car.

But that's not the only cool thing about the car. The next cool thing is the little touch screen computer inside the car that controls most of the car's functions. From the radio

to the air conditioning

everything is controlled just by the touch of a screen.

The monitor can even show you what energy goes where when the car is stationary,

and when the car is moving.

Now how cool is that....

Ok ok... considering that at least half of Leng Mou's readers are girls.. maybe I should stop talking about cars and talk more about.... errmmm.. shoes... this Prada shoe is uhmm...
Ok this Prada shoe is....

uhmm... uhmm...... nice.... err... yeah... thats the word for it... uhmm..

Ok I know nothing about shoes.. ok lets skip shoes and go for Prada BAGS!!!
This Prada bag is... uhmm..... EXPENSIVE... and uhmm... PINK ...

Ok I give up... I'm sorry girls but I'm a STRAIGHT GUY.... I like what other guys like... and its NOT kotek ... so I just can't talk about bags or shoes... it's just... not right

Semen from masturbation causes blockages at Durham University

Ahhh... the University of Durham. Ranked 24 in the UK on the Guardian University Rankings and indeed a prestigious university in the UK. They confidently and rightfully boast that the brightest and best that were rejected from Oxford/Cambridge found their way north to Durham.

If that weren't enough to make you want to study there, Durham has by far one of the most beautiful university campuses in the UK.

However, I recently discovered that studying in Durham now has a little bit of a downside.

Lets take a look at a photo one of Leng Mou's readers (William) presented me with. It is a photo from the Durham Director of Estates and Buildings (someone probably in charge of the university upkeep).

Just in case the words on the photo are too small to read... Here's what it reads:

Re: Masturbation in Showers

We have recently found several blockages in showers in university owned accomodation, most commonly caused by human hair.

However, over last term we found many of these blockages to be caused by large quantities of what we have now determined to be semen. This is intolerable, and we shall be tracing the culprits by means of DNA matching if the problem persists.

May we advise students who wish to masturbate to do so in the comfort of their own rooms, rather than in the showers.

Thank you for taking time to read this document

P Robinson, Director, Estates and Buildings


Now masturbation is perfectly natural. But what should strike you about this notice are two things. First... this line

"...we shall be tracing the culprits by means of DNA matching if the problem persists."

So what Mr. Robinson is saying ... is that... if you poor Durham students don't stop masturbating in the showers, he is going to bring in CSI-like investigators to scoop up your semen, put them in a little plastic cup... and run a DNA test on it not for the reason of solving a rape case or a murder... but so that they can go up to you and say..

"EH!!! YOU NOTTY NOTTY HAMSAP BOI!!! ... STOP CUMMING IN THE SHOWER AND DO IT IN YOUR OWN ROOM"

Now the second thing that should have caught your attention is this line:

May we advise students who wish to masturbate to do so in the comfort of their own rooms, rather than in the showers.

I must say that they are quite indeed sporting enough to accept that guys should masturbate.

In some other countries in the world, they might just issue a warning saying
"IF YOU ARE CAUGHT MASTURBATING AGAIN... WE WILL POTONG YOUR KOTEK AND FEED IT TO THE CHICKENS"

What would you do in such a situation? Well... there is one alternative:

DON'T MASTURBATE...
HAHAHAAHAHAHA but we all know that's not going to happen. So we at Leng Mou? have come up with a few ways to cover up your tracks after masturbation.

Hamsap Way Number 1

Don't CUM... Slap the pony if you have to but hold it in you every time. Keep it in you for a few months. Then after every few months, go to a public toilet somewhere and unload everything into the toilet bowl.

Now remember, if you are a serious masturbator and have stored in litres and litres of semen in you. Please flush them down in batches or everyone will blame YOU for blocking the toilet.

Hamsap Way Number 2

Put it on tissue and set the damn tissue paper on fire before you hurt anyone else with it!
But I wouldn't know if semen has flammable chemicals so... check with the chemists before you do this. We don't want you to be setting off a semen bomb in your room do we?

Hamsap Way Number 3

Put it in a nice cup and drink it. (This way you remove all evidence that you ever touched your kotek).


Come on... just DO IT. Your gf would do it for you. In fact she would be soooo happy to know that at least you know what you're putting her through every time you beg her to swallow!


Hamsap Way Number 4

Put it in a cup and get someone else to drink it. Make it easy on that poor lad. Mix it with Coke or something.

Or if you're really such a bastard... use peer pressure to get him to drink it... tell him drinking it will make him COOL.

YAAAAMMM SEENNGGG!!!!
Disclaimer: You did NOT hear Boss Stewie say anything about giving semen to your friends to drink. If you did.. you were probably high on pot and hallucinating.

Guys' game

Well I logged into lengmoublog@yahoomail.com and was surprised to see only 1 "WHAT THE FARK LA BOSS LEPTON". And after that a few more on the website so i guess you guys don't hate me that much after all right? Well, at least at least not to the point of doing this right?

Well this is something I've read from somewhere a long long while ago. So guys, as you read along please picture yourself in the following kind of situation and think whether what I'm proposing is true.

As for girls, in case one day you wanna be a guy, please bear in mind the following "unspoken" rule for going into a male toilet.

Here goes...........

Now imagine yourself shopping in a busy place like Midvalley, you drink your pearl milk tea, eat your lecka-lecka, hold your girlfriend's hand, constantly sweeping your hair backwards so that you look cool when you're not etc etc. All of a sudden, nature gives you a call, telling you that you need to dispose some liquid. When you rush to the toilet, you observe that there are 5 urinals free for you to use. Naturally, you would choose to go to the 1st or last, depending on whether you're "brave" or "shy".


Now here is where it gets interesting. Suppose that there is already someone at the 1st or last urinal, your reaction will be


Never noticed? But you would do that without even having to think, it's a guys' game. The game continues with another guy arriving, he would go to the last 1 on the far far end.

The next 2 persons then has no choice but to fill in the gap.

Interesting isn't it? Now what if........... I say what if a lady walked in, I would expect the situation to be more or less like this

This is a guys' game as well, but it is essentially of another form, which I will explain in detail if you continue reading. I would like to explain that the above case might be a bad thing as potrait below.

Interesting eh?

Read on ONLY if you're really interested in what Boss Lepton thinks and if you have sufficient economics background(kidding you'll still understand, I hope). It's gonna be long, you have been WARNED.

Now here is the part which I find more interesting. Remeber the movie "A Beautiful Mind"? Remember Russell Crowe as John Nash? Well, in that movie he got his inspiration of an equilibrium from a girl walking into a bar right? Oh btw, that is a very very wrong misconception of him having to realise the Nash equilibrium. He actually got the inspiration from John von Neumann who is a pioneer in Game Theory.

Enough about that, in the Guys' Game(Boss Lepton Copyrighted), Boss Lepton claims that a guys' game is an essential part of game theory not yet explored. If you wait long enough and Boss Lepton is at the very least fundamentally right about this, you might see somebody publishing this result in some economics journal, no joke. It doesn't make sense rationally or economically but that's social science for you.

The application for the Guys' game roots to places where even you wouldn't think of unless you're in it yourself. For example, it happens in prostitution houses, it happens in voting booth, it happens in exams, it happens when you are buying a condom. Ok, you might argue that it only happens to awkward or secretive situations.

Consider this, even when you're after a girl, say you know that there is another guy after this same girl, somehow there is an unspoken rule that you and that guy shouldn't meet unless absolutely necessary, i.e. in the case of the 4th and 5th person going into the toilet illustrated above.

Also, let's say that there are a lot of developers in a city. Along comes a proposal from the government that says that there is a plot of land for sale in a swampy area(or any really bad location). The developers will swamp to get the contract 1st without even thinking about the consequences because it is the ONLY land available, no matter how unattractive it is. This situation is quite reasonable when you think of it, if you were a developer, you would want to get the only land available, and then think of how to exploit it after you get it. Notice that the assumption only is very important here. Just like the only girl in the toilet.

Somehow this interaction between the male species is seldom discussed or even noticed. Everybody just takes it for granted.

So here is the hypothesis Boss Lepton come up with:

1. Guys tend to segregate from each other unless absolutely necessary.

2. Guys will be attracted to the only girl in a confined area even though the girl is not hot.

************************************************

If you think my claim is interesting here is an exercise for you. Think about the complement of guys, i.e. girls. Think about how girls interact and you might find yourself inside a Girls' game, where it is a totally opposite of the guys' game, as it seems the female species stick together more often.

Well, just my thoughts. Comments needed.

p.s. Haih, if you wonder why I take so long to post, I have to think of quality posts for all of you right?

Road Trip to Land's End

Most of you should know where London is... so let me tell you where Land's End is. Land's end is that little tip on the most bottom left of the island of Great Britain. But yeah... many of us Malaysians couldn't give a shit about UK geography, so I have included a map below.

The brownish line is our route, and Land's End you can see.. is the very tip of the island. Going on a Road Trip means that you stop at many many places from small English fishing villages to nice coastal cities which we did but I shall only mention the few that I think are worth mentioning.

In case you're wondering how we knew our way around the UK... thank our little GPS Navigation System that taught everything from "turn left" to even... "stop and turn around you missed the turning you sohai."

Our first stop was Stone Henge. It is apparently the oldest structure in all Britain... and also very unimpressive simply because there was barely any REAL history behind them and also because it is just.. A PILE OF ROCKS that they call a structure.

Yes... that's very much like me calling my own kotek EXCALIBUR and making it a tourist attraction.

While my friends were taking pictures like the ones above... I was instead distracted by the sheep shit we were stepping on just to walk around those damn stones.

But anyway, one day and a ferry-ride later,

we finally reached Land's End. The view was indeed breathtaking.

But Boss Stewie has a principle. Every time he goes somewhere... he feel the urge to claim territory the way dogs do.

So while his friends were taking pictures of the beautiful view

Boss Stewie was spelling out his name on the bushes with piss. (And no.. it didn't matter to that the temperature was close to 0 degrees celcius... you only get to piss on Land's End once in a lifetime).

*The photographer of this photo was clobbered by Boss Stewie shortly after Boss Stewie emptied his chinese tea-cup sized bladder*

On the way back to London, we stopped by The Eden Project: An admirable attempt by the UK government to give back to mother nature by preserving plants from all over the world.


On the entire area there (I think) are six domes that house plants from all over the world including Malaysia. That's right... in one of the domes the climate was hot just like in Malaysia and walking in there was like walking into a Malaysian jungle.

So if you think that Malaysia has the ugliest jungles ever... think again.. cuz the Brits sure love it.

After the Eden Project we once again made our way back to London but made a quick stop at the side of a country rode in the middle of nowhere just to admire the beautiful sea view.

Once again, Boss Stewie felt the urge to mark his territory so while his friends were taking beautiful pictures

Boss Stewie was....

but this time with a fellow pissing buddy...

*Don't worry... I made my mark ON TOP of his... so that land is MINE!! MINE!!!*

So if you ever make a road trip around the UK.

Do look out at the bushes for the words "BOSS STEWIE WAS HERE" written in piss.
Ahh.. a whole new era of vandalism...