Goodbye Leng Mou

I write this on a Thursday afternoon shortly before the clock hits 5pm. I sit in my new office almost after working hours pondering about the challenges that I will face starting next week.

The coming Tuesday will be the day it all begins.

I've had months and months of planning but all the planning in the world will never be enough to fully prepare me for the challenge I'm about to face starting 8.30am on Thursday.

Yet, before I move on this very uncertain and risky part of my life, it is only natural for me to think again about the life I am leaving behind.

I remember London.

I remember my university and the little internet venture I was a part of while still a student.

Yet, many of you may not realize it but each and every one of you who read this post now were a big part of the final year of my university life.
What began as a blog between two best friends grew beyond our wildest expectations. In less than 9 months, Leng Mou broke record after record for the highest average visits each day reaching a peak of an average of 1500 visits each day.

It was unreal.

Friends of mine tell me that they wish they had a blog that had the attention of so many eyes from London to Malaysia like we did. Little did they know that I had always quietly envied them for their smaller but more personal blogs.

From day one, blogs that are much less quiet have always caught my attention. I've fallen in love with the way these bloggers write that are honest to the bone and how they always attend to each and every comment they get on their blog. It makes me feel as if each blog entry was written just for my eyes.

Yet, the modest popularity Leng Mou had its plus points. I have grown everlastingly attached to the many readers we have. Some which often love to voice out comments and even the more silent participants that I know are there every time I check the statcounter.

The part that saddens me about shutting down Leng Mou is the reality that no longer will I be able to wake up each morning and look forward to reading the often hilarious comments of people like Jackson, Lance, Adrianbaby, Cely, Koyuuken, Jason, Gwenneth and Alynna (if I've left out anyone, please forgive me but rest assured I will always be grateful for all that you have shared with me).

Should any of you miss any part of me, feel free to pay me a visit some time at my new personal blog that I hope will be just like the personal blogs I love reading every day.

I can't promise you that it will be funny like this one, but I can say that I will most probably be able to reply each and every one of your comments in that small blog I will finally have.

Boss Lepton on the other hand has stopped blogging for good so I doubt you'll be able to catch him on the blogosphere anymore.

(But the good news is that you'll probably still be able to catch us both at the Blogger's Meet on the 29th of July at KLCC).

To all of you Leng Mou readers out there, thank you for giving Boss Lepton and I the best 8 months of our lives.

If you could only feel for a day what you've all done for the both of us... then perhaps you would realize how grateful we are for your support.

May others do unto you what you have done unto us.This is Boss Stewie, saying my very last goodbye to all of you at Leng Mou.

Meeting Smashpop, Koyuuken and Tock

Since weeks ago I promised to meet up with Smashpop, Koyuuken and Tock in KL and also one of my Singaporean friends who happened to come down that day:Ming.

I initially suggested a Bak Kut Teh breakfast meet but in the last minute, dear Koyuuken suddenly realized that he prints money and people who print money prefer to eat something more expensive.

So we had lunch at Jogoya which I found no problem paying for after I sold my girlfriend to slavery.

Pic Info: Bunch of us outside Jogoya.
From Left: Smashpop, My friend Ming, Boss Stewie,Koyuuken, Tock

Of course, having our first meet together (after endless chatting on MSN) wasn't the only special occasion.

It was also the first time Koyuuken and Smash had oysters.
Pic Info: From left: Tock, Koyuuken and ME.

Koyuuken went for the oyster first and he hated it.

Then along came Smash... and.... I guess you can conclude from the pictures that... he.... loved it.

Yes... it really is pretty obvious from the pictures that Smash LURRRVESS oysters.. right?

You can even see the satisfaction in his face in this picture that we took together after he had his oyster.
It's a shame most of us don't eat oysters.

Oysters happen to be aphrodisiacs (Yes, a word you hear increasingly often in rap songs).

Now by definition, an aphrodisiac is an agent which acts on the mind and causes the arousal of the mood of sexual desire.

Or in simple english... an aphrodisiac makes you horny.

But it's a lie I tell you... A LIEEEEeee...

Because I'm yet to see any of that magical effect on anyone that eats oysters.

Take Smash for example.

After slowly having his oyster he was still pretty much normal.

He didn't start jumping on any of us or even attempt to hump any of us from behind.

The only thing he did that was slightly perculiar after eating the oyster was maybe his increasing fascination with the one thing on our table that looked closest to a penis: a tempura prawn.

But that is perfectly normal right.

People just love taking pictures of Tempura Prawns

and they lurrvee holding it up 45 degrees with one hand when taking group pictures. Right?

If Women Ruled The World

One of our readers (Adrianbaby) forwarded this to my e-mail asking me to share it with all of you. So here it is...

This is how the world would be like if women ruled the world.

And if I may add, if women ruled the world, we would also have no porn (right girls?).

And that means admirale women like Miss Hagiwara here (who take the effort to dress up in school girl uniforms just to excite us men) would not have the opportunity to be famous Japanese AV Stars.

Which is good for the world right?

Since men would have less and less of their fantasies fulfilled and can concentrate on pleasing the one and only women they each should have in their lives (their wives).

Oh and even more importantly, if the world were to be ruled by women, there would be no war, no fighting and no suffering (any disputes will be settled by a catfight... and we lurrrve catfights don't we?).

Ahh the world would truly be a better place.

The Sport of Posing

Many many years ago when the Malaysian stock market was booming and people were rich, country clubs became popular.

Everyone was crazy over golf, a "high-class" sport at that point in time.
Golf... is an interesting sport because unlike badminton or football... it doesn't attempt to push you to your physical limits.

So when people ask you if you exercise you can say

"OH YES I DO".

(When the answer REALLY is: "Well if by walking round and round is exercise... uhmm I guess I do.)

Of course, there is the cost of the sport.

First of all, you'll need to join a country club to play golf on their golf courses.

Then you'll need to buy golf clubs


golf balls

golf shoes and also an English accent to sound more classy.

But since then, things have changed.

Golf has become so popular that almost every Tom, Dick and Harry plays golf.

So what do people do... they go for another sport.

And the latest of all sports is POSING.

The trend of posing started in Malaysia as recent as in the past decade with the emergence of 'High-Class' coffee outlets like Coffee Bean and Starbucks.

Lets first talk about the cost of the sport?

Well first of all, there is the cost of buying the coffee or cake but I prefer to look at it as the cost of renting the table for however long it takes you to finish your coffee

(since that's what you're really paying for right? The TABLE... NOT THE "HIGH-QUALITY COFFEE"... Stop lying to yourself).

Now when you go to play golf, you need to buy equipment.

Similarly when you go posing, you need to buy EQUIPMENT, and equipment don't come cheap.

Apart from the usual 'dress code' that requires you to dress fairly well before you dare to pose at Coffee Bean, the most basic of all other 'equipment' is the mobile phone.

and just like most other sports, the more expensive (and the newer) the equipment the better.

Slightly more serious 'posers' bring laptops (prefably Apple Laptops because they apparently seem to be 'cooler'), PDAs, Tablet PCs or everything else that you probably wouldn't need to use at Coffee Bean but use anyway because it helps you look good.
Now lets look at an example of how you should look at Coffee Bean.

Take this couple for example.

Ok they probably have mobile phones and on top of that you can clearly see their laptop on their table although neither one of them really seem to be paying any attention to it which is STILL perfectly FINE!

Why is it perfectly fine?

Because you're not meant to do anything on your laptop at Coffee Bean. It is just there for show.

But where do they go wrong?

The dude at the table is sitting there having a puff of his fag (which is perfectly ok since smoking is ... 'cool') and very obviously checking out some chick who just walked past him.

THE POSER'S GOLDEN RULE: Always look like people are looking at you and NEVER LOOK LIKE YOU'RE LOOKING AT PEOPLE ESPECIALLY AT CHICKS

(BEFORE YOU GO POSING, IF YOU CAN'T CONTROL YOUR URGE TO STARE, SURGICALLY REMOVE YOUR KOTEK (If you have to) AND LEAVE IT IN YOUR DRAWER AT HOME).

So how do we really look like people are looking at you.

Take this table for example.

Laptop on the table but not being used at all as usual (very good very good).

Drinking BEER at Coffee Bean (probably illegal... but in the poser's point of view, very good very good since real men drink beer right?).

But most importantly:

LOOKING AS IF YOU'RE IN INTENSE CONVERSATION WITH YOUR FRIENDS.

Take another good look at the people on the table.

Two of them look like they're talking about serious stuff when for all you know the words coming out of their mouths could be

"Eh you know ar... I chimp chum chump chump eeekk eeekk meeeeee".

And what about the third guy?

A conversation takes two people so instead of feeling left out, he picks up his mobile phone and calls (or pretends to call) somebody.

BRILLIANT!!!

But what if just like me, you don't have a nice mobile phone to show off and you don't have a laptop to pose with.

Well... then it will all still work out for you IF YOU'RE A WOMAN.

Now look at this table.
No mobile phones on the table, no laptop, no beer but plenty of attention... why? Because there are 3 fairly sexy girls in low cut tops.

Of course, just like golf, when a 'high class' sport gets popular... even the 'low class' like Stewie (who can't pose to save his life) wants to get in on the action.

So before more of these people come in to spoil the sport... GO NOW PEOPLE... GO NOW AND POSE BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE.

And when people ask you if you play any sports, sound like a jock and confidently say

"YES I DO! I POSE".

Stewie's New Toy

My faithful Motorola V3 has been giving me some problems lately so it was time for me to change phones. So last week I was asking Smash what would be a good phone to have. The first thing Smash said to me was

"You've asked the right person".

And he started spewing out model names with different features and asking me what is it that I want in a phone. Whether I want a phone which has camera, 3G or even an in-built MP3 Player and things like that.

Now when it comes to phones, I've finally accepted that I only use phones to make and receive calls.

I don't use the camera, the internet, not even the games or anything. So I kept telling Smash that no I don't need a great camera on the phone and I don't need 3G and I most definitely don't need an MP3 Player since I already have an iPod. Smash then listed out the very basic phones for me to see which yet had cameras on them. Then I told him again that I really don't need a camera on my phone.

Smash got a little pissed and he forwarded me a link saying

"I think this is the kind of phone that you want".

The link took me to a picture of a Nokia 3210. I was insulted...

And I got angry...

So the next day I ran off to the phone shop and commanded the saleswoman to

"GIVE ME THE MOST HI-TECH PHONE THAT YOU HAVE".

She looked at me and saw the familiar look of a man that had just been insulted for being technologically backward.

So she took out a Masterpiece: The Siemens M35. The phone was BRILLIANT!

It had all the latest features any phone could ever dream of.

Personalized ring tones, alarm clock, SMS, Wap Technology, Stop watch, Caller ID and even games that you only find on computers (like mine sweeper).

It could also store up to 10 SMS without you having to delete any of them.

And if that wasn't enough, the phone's wide digital screen came fully equipped with a green backlight which also lit up the keypad so you'll be able to make and receive calls even in the dark.

I knew I had to have it so I proudly took out my wallet and told the lady

"I WILL TAKE IT".

Smash doesn't know yet of my latest new toy. I bet when a gadget-freak like him finds out that I have a phone like this he's going to want to trade in his prehistoric Nokia 6680 for my Siemens M35.

Sorry Smash, I love my new phone very much and you can't have it.

...

...

...

...

...

What?


Ok fine... I got this ugly brick phone instead (and I was exaggerating when I said Smash insulted me. He was only joking) Boss Stewie has no taste in phones.

Bloggers Meet @ KLCC's Burger King on the 29th of July 2006 at 3PM

Just a few days ago Jolene (apparently a very silent Leng Mou reader) sent me an invitation to a blogger's meet at KLCC on the 29th of July 2006 at 3PM.

Now when a girl (and a guy: Yee Hou) takes the time and effort to organize blogger meets like these the least you can say WITHOUT even thinking is...

"How can I help?".

So this is my small way of contributing to the local blogger community.Pic info: Picture of the previous blogger's meet that I STOLE from Jolene's blog.

Jolene says that it would be nice for those who're going to the bloggers meet (whether bloggers themselves or just blog readers) to check out the blogs of the attending bloggers so that people won't feel so... uhmm.. out of place.

So from now until the bloggers meet I'm going to put up here a list of bloggers that will be constantly updated.

There's the need to constantly update it since as the day goes closer, more and more people might wanna join in later on and some bloggers may find it convenient to fong fei kei.

So here is the list of blogs that you might wanna pay a visit to if you plan to go for the Blogger's Meet.

(Feel free to cut and paste the blog list and put it on your own blog so that not everyone has to come to Leng Mou just to see the list)

Those confirmed going

Blogger Count: 32

Jolene
Yee Hou
Cindy
Andreas
Simple cheryl
Shaz
Jed
Simon
Sewjin
Joan Chew
Albert
April
Aprilcherrie
Avril
Calvism
Calvin Tay
Chloe
Eve
JackSquare
Jing
Ivan
LingGheZhi
Skyler
Dustyhawk
Elaine_cyl
Jenny Koo
Elaine, Jenny, Kento
Eyeris
Jasiminne
Jason
Jen
Justin
Smashpop

Updated as of 17 July 2006.

If you're confirmed going like the rest, send an e-mail to Jolene (jolenelai@gmail.com) or Yee Hou (tandot.yeehou@gmail.com) and I'll update the list when they tell me to.

And as for whether or not I'm going... uhmm..... we'll see :P

Crossing a relationship milestone: The Dog

In all relationships, there are milestones.

The beginning of a relationship always starts of with holding hands in public (which could get you in trouble these days).


Then comes hugging and kissing.

Then comes... THE ACT OF LURVEEE...

And then comes the addiction to "THE ACT OF LURVEEE" for about 2 months before both sides get bored of it.

So what do couples do to keep the fire burning after that?

Well... they normally move in together and get on each other's nerves or they jump straight to marriage.

But what some people may not realize is that between getting bored of the "ACT OF LURVEEE" and "MOVING IN" together, some couples do other things... like adopt a pet.

Normally initiated by the female side, couples adopt a pet (usually a cute one since its normally the woman that gets to pick) to increase the level of commitment in a relationship.

Some women associate having a pet together with having a baby together, thinking that with a pet in the relationship, the man is less likely to cheat or leave.

Of course little do they know that there are some of us men out there who don't really care.

Pet or no pet... we leave anyway right? :P (I've seen that happen sooo many times before).

Anyway, in my current relationship, we just got to the 'pet stage' a few days ago (but with a twist).

Meet Ah Bop... Our pet dog.

When deciding what to name him at first, I thought of the name "Bob".

Simple and easy right?

But being chinese-educated, my girlfriend started calling him Ah Bop... (or sometimes Bop Kor or Bop Bop) which I personally find quite cute so AH BOP IT IS!!!

As you can see, my baby is very attached to Ah Bop.
And uhmmm.. yeah.. so am I...

Allow me to illustrate.

This is how 'sad' and 'angry' I normally look when I'm without Ah Bop.


And this is how happy I look WITH Ah Bop.

Can't you just see my gleaming excitement and enthusiasm when I'm with Ah Bop?

I love Ah Bop... oh yes I do... oh yes I do...

PS: Seriously... if I look happier when shopping and carrying a dozen toilet paper rolls with me in public as compared to holding a stuffed toy... something must be wrong...

The Sultan of Brunei's Private Jet

Ahh the Sultan of Brunei.

A man whose shoes most men would love to be in.

A man who's the ruler of only a small country but has yet managed to get the attention and respect of the entire world, even meeting other great leaders in the past such as Bill Clinton.
But how much do we know about this great man?

Did you know that in spite of all his wealth, he lives a very modest life.

Take for example the airplane that takes him around the world to do his duties as a World Leader.
The very humble Sultan bought this Airbus 340 for roughly USD 220 Million RM99.90.
Private jets are cheap nowadays right?

Go to Parkson during the Grand Sale and you could probably get one for about RM79.99.

Buy two free one some more.

The RM99.90 plane comes fully equipped with a Gold Plated Sink which costs about 50 sen.

(Gold is cheap nowadays right?)


And with a beautiful toilet like that with so much space that you won't have to bother to
"Return to your seat" whenever there's turbulence.


And not only does that toilet come with a sink and a bidet but also with an AIRLOCK to allow you to exit the aircraft in other space without depressurizing the entire plane.

(Yes.. that is an airlock.. not a shower).

And of top of all these facilities... there is the most important perk of all...

THE BED

And not just one Queen-Sized bed.

THERE ARE TWO OF THEM ON BOARD.

Then there is every guy's wet dream...

The electronics.

On board phones, remote controls and buttons that probably do all sorts of things from turning on the TV to tickling your tummy or helping you scratch your a$$.


And of course... since there could be reporters always wanting to do interviews with the great man, the plane comes equipped with a beautiful and spacious living room.

Then by now you're probably wondering.

"Aiyah, if all the rooms are so spacious then sure got no place to walk around the plane lar".

Which is where you would be wrong.

The plane comes equipped with a corridor for the Great Man to pace up and down when he ponders and thinks about the future of his country.
All this for a mere RM99.90 (or RM79.99 at Parkson Grand).

Such value for money... and such modesty.

As for the me; the arrogant and much less modest Boss Stewie who's not afraid to indulge in my 'wealth', I will be going to bed tonight in my RM500 single bed (mattress included) in my 450 square-ft low cost housing flat worth RM30,000.

Then when I wake up tomorrow I'm going to hop on my RM199.90 bicycle and cycle off to work where I will spend 8 hours plunging the shit out of toilets.

I get paid a whopping RM2 for each toilet that I unblock.

On a normal day I can unblock up to 50 toilets which means I take home RM100 (enough to buy a new private jet each day).
Ah what a high-paying and prestigous job.

WOOOHOOO!!
Boy am I living in luxury.

I bet everyone wishes they were in my shoes...

(and for those of you who aren't... please don't be discouraged... work hard and you may one day have the joy of unplugging shit from toilets)