What to eat during exams

For those of us studying under the old fashioned and outdated British system... we're all having exams now.

So the question now is:
What do we eat so that we can do better in exams?

Some people say, eat fish... some people say drink lots of herbal soup... but Boss Stewie and Lepton say that the answer is... "IT DEPENDS".

Many people believe that fish is brain food. So if you eat lots of fish, you'll be more productive in studying meaning you'll remember everything better.

With some help from Google I found out that scientists are yet to reach a conclusion on whether fish is truly brain food (though they think its good for the heart).

But grandmother knows best and grandmother says fish is good for the brain. So if you study hard for exams, make sure you eat lots and lots of fish.
However, if you're lazy like Boss Stewie and Lepton who don't study much, fish is useless for you.

What use is a super charged up brain when you put nothing into it (or when you don't study)?

So for us bums who don't like to study... the solution is eat lots and lots of KFC because KFC is KAI (chicken). Now a little bit on the word "Kai".

Kai means chicken in cantonese (and also prostitute actually but that's not important right now).

However, if you've been around at some point in your life playing Counterstrike in a cybercafe, you will know that the word "KAI" also means "FLUKE".

Most often used in the following phrase

"MA CHOW HAI... FROM SO FAR ALSO CAN HEADSHOT WITH DESERT EAGLE... SOOOOOoo DAMN KAI!!!!" Now in the case of exams, its not rocket science to able to see that the more kai you eat the higher chance you have of "Kai"-ing the exam.

And it works.

During my A-levels, Boss Lepton and I were sitting for the same Economics paper. I studied very very hard for it eating as much fish as I could every day.

Boss Lepton on the other hand... did nothing but play foosball and read comics.

BUT on the day of the exam, Boss Lepton went to KFC and got himself a bucket of KAI.

I scored 80% in that exam... but Boss Lepton scored 100%. NOW WHAT THE FARK IS THAT????

I was upset, so I retook the exam and didn't bother to study for it. On the day of the exam I bought myself a bucket of KFC and finished it all.

I got a 100% for that paper.

So KFC works! I SHIT YOU NOT!!! (maybe not all the time.. but sometimes...)

Why do you think the Chinese government let avian bird flu spread?

Because they don't want us students to NOT study for their exams and just resort to eating lots and lots of kai. Who is going to build their next Great Wall if everyone only knows how to eat lots and lots of kai. So to wrap things up... if you're lazy like Boss Lepton and Stewie... the solution is simple.

On the day of the exam, go buy yourself a bucket of KFC and a pint of beer.
(The pint of beer is to help ease the sharp pain you will feel in your heart when you look at the first question on the exam paper and realize that you don't know what the hell it's asking for). Remember, eat the KAI BEFORE the exam and not AFTER. However, if you're brave enough to eat the KAI DURING the exam itself... then well done... you will most definitely get an A in your exam.

Speaking of which, one of my hilarious friends at college once told me a story about Cambridge University.

Apparently during an exam, one of the students asked the invigilators to bring him a cheeseburger with chips and a coke to drink.

As you can imagine the invigilator's first response was "WTF?!?!"

Then the brave student said

"Well according to the old university rules (which were probably hundreds of years old), any exam candidate is allowed to request for cake and rum anytime during the examination. Therefore, the present day equivalent of cake and rum is burger/chips and a coke."

The invigilator gave in and brought him his burger/chips and coke to eat during the exam.

The next day, the brave student was fined for "Not carrying a SWORD to class" (also probably another old school rule covered in dust). Moral of the story: When you're among smarter alecs... don't be a smart alec.

(Hear that Tse Jian?)

Good luck for your exams everyone!

*this post is dedicated to Bluey, Lance and everyone else out there that are about to have their exams

HAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRR!!!!!!!