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  • Thursday, May 25, 2006

    Boss Stewie goes to church

    I am a sinner.

    I curse, drink, gamble and engage in pre-marital... uhmm... "activities" so there comes a time every now and then when I have to go to church and repent and beg for forgiveness.

    Such a time was yesterday.

    I followed one of my Catholic friends to church today.

    It was my first time in a Catholic church.

    A little background on my religious side, I come from a Buddhist family but we're not particularly very strict Buddhists.

    My mum always tells me that it is good to be religious and it doesn't matter in what religion.. as long as I believe in it.

    So when I was 14 my parents started sending me to a "Born-again"Christian church to learn some good values and learn I did.

    I was very active in church spending almost all my free time in church activities ie church retreats, camps... even carolling.

    But I made the mistake of breaking the Golden Rule of Going to Church.

    Of course back then I was lucky enough to win her heart but her father didn't want her to have anything to do with me because I didn't come from a Christian family and it didn't matter if I was active in church or not.

    He was probably right because after her I became quite the devil.

    Soon enough I stopped going to that church and I've since been exploring other types of Christianity.

    Which brings us to today when I decided to follow one of my best Hong Kong friends to his Catholic Church smack in the middle of London.

    It was a completely different church service to the one that I've been used to but it was surely eye-opening and the priest had no daughters so that was a good sign.

    Yes I kneeled and begged for forgiveness of all my sins.

    Then came the time for the Holy Communion where everyone lined up to go up to the priest to eat a small piece of biscuit (which represents bread) and drink some ribena (which represents wine).
    By right, since I'm not a baptised Catholic I shouldn't be taking part in it so while everyone lined up, I just stayed where I was... kneeling to pray.

    I couldn't help but feel that everyone else (which were mostly middle-aged to old ladies) was paying special attention to me while they were queuing up for their turn on the Holy Communion but I just shut my eyes and kept quiet.

    After the service my friend explained to me that Catholics believe that if you masturbate, you cannot take part in the Holy Communion until you confess your sin (of masturbating).

    Somehow everything began to make sense.

    There I was... kneeling down and not taking part in the Holy Communion and the old ladies around me were probably thinking

    "Yes... this ham sap boy.. must've masturbated before he came that's why cannot take part.

    Shame on him!

    SHAME ON HIS RIGHT HAND!!! SHAME!!!

    He better pray harder for forgiveness.. PRAY HARDER!
    "

    Yet I couldn't help to think that things are just a little bit more unfair to us these days.

    It would probably have been much easier to NOT sin or have impure thoughts if you were a caveboy thousands of years ago than if you were a little 10 year old boy at this age.

    Take for example a chubby 10 year old "bam bam-like" cave boy.

    On a normal day he would grab his club and go hunting. On the way to hunting he might see a few other cave people dressed in animal fur or he might see tigers, squirrels and all sorts of animals in the wild.

    Nothing that would exactly turn him on and give him impure thoughts... right? (unless of course he gets turned on by squirrels with their long furry sexy tail).
    Or if he sees plants/fruits like this


    Or this

    or even get himself to screw this... (which would probably hurt)

    Or if he's gay... then this
    or this
    Yes... Mother Nature too can be quite ham sap when she wants to be.

    Anyway, generally the cave boy doesn't sin.. right? I mean how often do you see watermelons the shape of an ass or weird torny plants the shape of a penis.

    Now consider another 10-year old boy but this one living in Hong Kong at present times.

    He is on his way to tuition one day dressed in the brand new matching Kiko shirt and pants that his mum bought for him the day before.

    Armed with his blue school bag he trots down the busy streets of Hong Kong feeling the summer breeze on his face and singing to himself "What a beautiful world"...

    Then all of a sudden he sees a very "under-dressed" girl walk past.

    Now it is up to you to guess what he was thinking at the very instant when the photo was taken.

    For all you know he could've been thinking PURE THOUGHTS like this

    or this


    or even this


    but I am pretty sure that this was what he really was thinking

    We live in a world of temptations.

    PS: To our many Muslim readers: This post touches a tad bit on religion (Christianity/Buddhism) but mainly on my personal experience so I hope this doesn't offend any of you.

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